


fear

by undeliveredtruth



Series: good to me [4]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: ;), A lot of general unpleasantness, CEO Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups, CEO Lee Jihoon, M/M, No Going Back, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Scheming, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2020-10-14 01:24:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20592356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undeliveredtruth/pseuds/undeliveredtruth
Summary: One more step. One step at a time, but they have to tread lightly, because every step that they take has consequences beyond itself.Tread lightly, and let your fears guide you.





	1. poison

**Author's Note:**

> I'M BACK! 
> 
> Well everyone, here we are. This is part 4, and the last part! But don't worry, because we're in for a ride. You know the usual trigger warnings... violence, unpleasantness, a lot of things, but none very explicit in this chapter.
> 
> I know people expressed concern about how much I'm going to hurt Soonwoo, and don't worry, because they're very okay here! For now, at least! Hehe.
> 
> I'm super excited for this because I've been planning these things from the beginning and to finally publish them... it's so exciting!!! Thank you for being here after all this time and I hope you enjoy it!! <3

_The car swerves, the tires screeching on the road, and Soonyoung sees the tree coming closer and closer to him, like in slow-motion._

_And then whiplash, a force too strong shaking him._

"Who is it?" Jihoon asks, the sheer question chilling Seungcheol's blood in his veins, because _he has no answer_. "Who knew about this?"

"A lot of people. This is an official meeting. It could be anyone, fuck..."

"Calm down, Seungcheol," Jeonghan throws at him, the atmosphere cold, not unlike his words. Seungcheol takes them and forces himself to do so. "It's probably someone important though. Probably someone from inside the family. What can we do? What do we have to do?"

"Go somewhere safe and strategize. For the head to be released... it's really big, someone really big betrayed us," Seungcheol runs a hand through his hair, desperately pulling at the strands. He's not ready for this yet. "We need... Fuck. They did it while we're here. Disaster management mode means... the documents in my house. I have a feeling we should get them out."

"What about them?"

"If they get to them, it's bad. They're the key to everything. We need to take them out of there. But I don't know who can. If we need to go to the main house... someone needs to take them out of the safe system in my house and keep them hidden."

"Wonwoo?" Jihoon suggests, but Seungcheol shakes his head.

"He's driving back from the east. Too far. They'll get to the house and try to break the system before he gets there."

"Who else do you trust?"

"Right now? Nobody but you three and Wonwoo. Junhui too, but he's not here."

Jihoon looks like he's wrecking his mind, already in overdrive from the situation, when his face turns.

"Soonyoung."

_"What?"_

"Soonyoung."

"Are you sure? Even if... you two are not okay?”

"He'll do it, of course. I know Wonwoo gave him a gun and he has stuff in his closet, I saw it. Your house security... whose side are they on?"

"Don't trust anybody, but if I had to... I'd say mine."

"Then let's call him. I'll tell him what it's about, you tell him how to get to them. He can take them to our company building or he can meet us somewhere; they wouldn't be insane to go barging in there. They probably won't even know who it is, if he hides himself."

The wait between telling Soonyoung and him getting to the house, even if they're driving, is absolutely insane. It must be insane for Jihoon, who realizes how much danger he's putting Soonyoung in, and insane for Seungcheol, who's thinking of the same thing, and the documents as well. But he's quick, even on foot, and he's also Soonyoung. He's crazy, to say the least. Seungcheol has mad respect for him.

When Soonyoung calls, it's not him, it's probably their house security guard. That means the taxi got to the house successfully since Seungcheol did not let him take a car. Jihoon passes the phone to him, so Seungcheol can hear the voice of the house security asking if to let Soonyoung in. Maybe they don’t know yet.

"Yes, let him in, please."

A little bit later, he hears Soonyoung's frantic voice, probably running.

_"Okay. I'm almost in the house. Where do I go? What do I do?"_

"Okay. Code to the house is 033076. Go in, up to the second floor, up the stairs. My office is at the end of the hall."

_"Okay. I'm here."_ Anybody but Soonyoung would be probably panting, since he crossed that hall in less than two seconds. But not him. Dancer genes, Seungcheol guesses.

"Code is 596771. Put it in once, it won't work. Wait 5 seconds, put it in the other way around: 177695."

_"Oh fuck, it opened!"_

An alert on Seungcheol's phone rings, and rings _loudly._ "Can't stop that, can you put it away and bury it under something?" He whispers to Jihoon, and he does, puts it under his legs.

"Of course it did," he turns back to the phone. "Go in, close the door behind you. Make sure it's locked. Now, the safe is behind a bookshelf. I'll tell you how to get to it. The thing is though, it's fingerprint access only. It doesn't have a code. I'm going to tell you how to add your fingerprint. First, you need to go to my desk though. To the right, third shelf from the top. Do you see the little lock on it?"

_"Yes."_

"Okay. Code to it is 3985."

_"Okay, it opened."_

"Good. Look to the back of the shelf, you'll see a little box. Take it out. It has another lock, it's not a code. You have to hold the metal part of it between your fingers, and then move the actual lock twice to the left, once to the right, once to the left, twice to the right."

_"Hold on. Wow, I feel like I'm cheating at an Escape the Room right now. Oh shit, this moves. Ok, I got it. So twice left, okay, one right, one left, twice right."_

For some reason, Seungcheol holds his breath. It should work, but...

_"It opened!"_

"Okay. Take the little card in there; that's what you're going to use for the fingerprint. Now. Bookshelf behind you. If you look at the bookshelf right behind the one from the drawers you just looked at, you need to go two right."

_"Okay. Two right, not including that one?"_

"Not including it."

_"Okay. Two right."_

"Find a book in Italian; it says 'Il Nome de La Rosa.' It should be somewhere a little below your eye level."

_"I'm not going to pretend I know what that is; thank god I can read English letters. I think I found it. Is it red?"_

"Yes. Can you take it with you? The rest around it take out; behind them, put your fingerprint on the little screen. It won't work. Try it three times, and then put the card right away. It should beep. Then you should put your fingerprint again, and it will work.”

A few beeps, and Soonyoung’s gasp.

_“What the fuck.”_

“Yes. I know.” Three layers of strong glass doors which trigger alarms if broken, one layer of metal door which can’t be cut. Junhui and he didn’t pull any strings. “Take the documents in that file and put them in the backpack.”

_“Okay. Did that,”_ Soonyoung whispers, seemingly breathless. Perhaps it’s the shock of it all that finally got to him; Seungcheol motions for Jihoon to give him his blaring phone back, puts Jihoon’s on speaker.

“Can you still hear me?” He asks Soonyoung.

_“Yes.”_

“Okay. If you got the documents, in the safe, there are also some keys and a phone. Take them. I asked you not to drive there so you can take my car. It’s in a tunnel underground, I’ll explain to you how to get to it.”

_“Okay. Do you need anything else but those and the book?”_

“No. Just go. Go quick, Soonyoung, people could come anytime,” he warns him, mapping in his mind the best way to get to the car. “Let me know if you hear anything. Any cars, anything.”

_“Okay.”_

“Now dial this number on the phone you just picked up: 01000001122 and call me.”

Seungcheol feels his other phone vibrate in his pocket and he takes it, picks it up.

“Destroy your other phone. Ruin it.”

Soonyoung understands, so Seungcheol hears the sound of a phone slammed against the ground.

_“Done.”_

“Leave the office. Go to my main bedroom.”

_“Where is it?”_

“To the right of the office. Code is 9601.”

He hears Soonyoung’s hard breaths on the phone, feeling how his own heart is choked up in his chest. Seungcheol’s scared. He’s honestly so fucking scared.

_“Okay. I’m in.”_

“Go towards the spa area, see a bookshelf to your left? That’s a door. The keys have two remotes. The smaller black one, tap it on the edge of the... third shelf from the top. To the left.”

_“Edge to the left? Where...”_ He starts, but then Seungcheol hears the telltale click of the door being opened. _“Holy fuck.”_

“Yeah. I know. Take the elevator down. Just press the down arrow.”

_“Doing that.”_

He’s close. Almost there. Seungcheol chances a glance at Jihoon when they get to the airport, sees how nervous he is.

_“I see the car.”_

“Open it, get in, and then lock it. And _go."_

The beep of the car is heard, then the door opening, and a curse. _“Fuck, hyung, it’s stick. I don’t remember how to drive stick well.”_

_Fuck._ Seungcheol didn’t think about that.

“Do you know at least a little bit?”

_“Yeah. Kind of. I took my test on it back then but I didn’t drive it since then, so I think I’ll be fine.”_

“Okay. Just... get the hell out of there, Soonyoung. Then start following the signs for Gimpo.”

_“Okay. I will.”_ The rev of the engine, and Soonyoung’s sound of success. Relief. At least a little.

Jihoon looks as disgruntled as Seungcheol feels - more than confused. Hurt, pained, panicked beyond belief. Jeonghan and Jisoo are securing their place, texting the people on the island, where they’ll go after this. When Seungcheol bought it, he bought it for himself and Jihoon - but also as an emergency plan.

He just hoped he’d never have to use it.

When they get out of the car, their private jet ready in front of them, it’s already sunset. Seungcheol throws his phone to the ground, steps on it until it breaks and the alarm stops blaring.

Finally. Some silence.

“Soonyoung, are you doing okay?” He asks, putting the phone back to his ear, getting on the plane.

_“Yes. It’s... I choked up the engine a couple of times, but I should be fine.”_

“We’re getting on our plane. I have to hang up until we get to cruising altitude, but I’ll call you in 15 minutes, alright? Head towards Gimpo Airport, I’ll let you know where to go when I call,” he instructs him, praying it’s fine. There’s nothing else he can do but pray to gods he doesn’t believe in.

_“Alright. Alright hyung, be careful.”_

“You too, Soonyoung,” he says and hangs up, releases a deep breath. It’s fine. At least the documents are secured and Soonyoung’s fine, and they can regroup in an hour or so.

Seungcheol puts his hand on Jihoon’s knee next to him, takes a glance at him. He looks steely, like he managed to rethink and change his attitude, switching to battle mode.

“Are you good?”

“Yeah. We’ll be fine. We’ll figure this out.”

20 minutes later, he calls Soonyoung again.

But the call doesn’t go through. His phone’s turned off.

Seungcheol tries again, panic rising in his blood.

It doesn’t go through.

Jihoon catches on.

“Hyung...” he asks, horrified. Seungcheol tries again.

“What’s up?” Jeonghan asks from across them. Seungcheol raises his eyes to him.

“Soonyoung’s phone is off.”

Jeonghan’s eyes open in shock. Jisoo’s hand lifts to his mouth.

“Call Junhui. Ask him to trace his phone,” Jihoon orders. Seungcheol nods, calls Junhui, but...

“Yeah?” Junhui answers right away. Someone they can rely on. Seungcheol almost breathes in relief, but...

“Junhui. The phone you put in my safe. Can you trace it?” Seungcheol asks, quick. But...

“Hyung... what’s wrong?”

“I’ll explain later. Can you just...?”

“No. We made it untraceable, remember? Like the car.”

“There’s no way you can break that? Any way?”

“No hyung, because there's nothing installed in there to break. We took out all tracing methods, remember? Why?”

Next to him, Jihoon makes a sound of despair. Seungcheol thinks he’s going to cry.

“I’ll call you later. We’re in real trouble.”

“I get it. I’ll get ready for mode 0.”

“Please do,” Seungcheol says and hangs up.

A moment of silence. Chilling, blank despair.

“Call Wonwoo. Call him right now,” Jihoon whispers, so Seungcheol picks up his phone again.

The one call he hoped he wouldn’t have to make.

When they get to the airport, as he thought, Soonyoung’s not there. Seungcheol doesn’t even know who he can call. He maybe trusts Gaeun, but she looks as unsure as them regarding what’s happening, who they can rely on; Seungcheol’s kind of keeping her in the dark anyway, because mode 0 means trusting nobody beyond their inner circle.

He never counted on not being able to access his connections and his things. He can’t do anything... his house is probably compromised. He doesn’t know who he can send, where they can go. Maybe his safe house, but that’s far.

He doesn’t _know_ anything, doesn’t know what to even think getting out of the jet... to meet Wonwoo.

The look in his eyes as he walks to him on the airplane track... Seungcheol doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything like this in anyone before.

“Where is he?” He rasps, grabbing on to Seungcheol’s shirt, ripping a button that echoes so loudly in Seungcheol's mind.

“I don’t know,” Seungcheol answers truthfully. “I don’t know. He was at the house, getting the documents and then he left with my car and my phone... and now his phone is off.”

“Why did you... why did you ask him?”

“You taught him how to use a gun and I knew he had a bulletproof vest and stuff. He was the only one,” Jihoon argues from next to him, Wonwoo’s raging look turned to him.

“It was your idea? If anything happened to him, Jihoon...”

“If anything happened to him, I’ll be the first one to blame myself,” Jihoon answers, the firmness of his voice betraying how desperate, wound tight he is. “How can we find him?”

“We were supposed to take this plane straight to the island because I’m not sure who of my people are still trustworthy or not. I’m not sure where we can go...”

“What do you mean where we can go? We’re going back to the house,” Wonwoo throws.

“We can’t, Wonwoo. People are probably there or they’re on their way to there right now. They want those documents as much as us.”

“So you’re saying you’re going to leave?” Wonwoo throws, shouting. “Leave and leave Soonyoung here?”

“No, Wonwoo,” Jeonghan throws, putting a hand on his shoulder Wonwoo immediately throws off. “We were going to leave with him. We just don’t know where’s safe right now.”

“You can go somewhere safe. _I’m_ going to find him,” Wonwoo throws, letting go of Seungcheol's shirt.

Seungcheol quickly works over the options in his mind, settles to the one which seems the best.

“We should go... to the safe house. Even if it's far, we'll probably make it. They don't want to kill us, I guess. You know which one, the one with the airstrip. We’ll take a helicopter to Japan from there and then to our island. Jihoon, Jeonghan, Jisoo, you should go with Gaeun. I’m going with Wonwoo.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Wonwoo huffs. “You’re barely fucking healed. If something happens, you’re only going to get us killed. I’m going. You go to the safe house.”

“I want Soonyoung and the documents to be safe as much as you do, Wonwoo,” Seungcheol throws at him, but all he gets is a sneer in return.

“Soonyoung? _Soonyoung,_ Seungcheol? _Fuck you._ Fuck you, from the bottom of my heart _fuck you_ for even daring to say his name,” he spits, leaving Seungcheol shocked.

Wonwoo must know... about the system that’s made to burn the documents inside the safe. Junhui must’ve told him. Why did he...

Seungcheol has always known they’re better off gone than in the hands of his enemies, but they’re also better off in their possession. Otherwise, they have nothing to negotiate with.

“Those fucking documents. More important than any human being next to you, right?” Wonwoo throws with a humorless snort, and Seungcheol feels his anger. There's nothing he can say. “One man is better than two if I need to make a run for it. Go to the safehouse. Plan how to get out of here. I’ll find Soonyoung.”

He leaves. As much as he hates it, Wonwoo’s right.

Jihoon wants to lunge after him. He probably wants to go with Wonwoo.

“No, Jihoon,” Seungcheol says, stops him. “If anyone can find him, it’s Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo breaks 3 laws and all speed limits imaginable driving to his apartment. He figures that’s where Soonyoung would go, determined to check all possible safe places first before he ventures back to Seungcheol’s house. He has a feeling... Soonyoung knows what he was doing.

He’s not there though. Wonwoo rushes back down the stairs and back to his car, heading to Soonyoung’s dorm. He’s not there either, but he manages to alarm all of his members who were already packing to leave to China, Junhui's people there with them. They say they’ll check the company, panicked, running out of the house with Junhui's bodyguards making a dash after them.

Seungcheol and Jihoon can deal with that one.

Wonwoo stops, thinks of all the places he could be. Where would he have gone? Where could he be? He pulls at his hair, tufts of hair feeling like they’re pulled out of their roots. Despair runs through Wonwoo, but he urges himself to stay calm. Stay calm, for Soonyoung.

He wouldn’t go to his family’s house, wouldn’t put them at risk like that. He probably wouldn’t head to the company or the dorm for the same reason, in reality. So... any other place that Wonwoo would know, anything else, Wonwoo through runs his mind, thinks of everywhere they went that meant something to them...

And then it comes to him.

He runs to the car, turns the engine on even before the door is closed, thinking of how he can get to the cabin quickest, which way out of Seoul.

When he bursts through the door of the cabin, the first thing he sees is the shock of Soonyoung’s red hair. And then Soonyoung himself who gets up from the couch, gun in his hand pointed to Wonwoo and his eyes snapping to his.

And then his gun clatters to the ground, and the relief is so strong it almost drives Wonwoo to the floor, if Soonyoung didn’t catch him, running to hug Wonwoo.

Wonwoo wraps his arms around him so tight Soonyoung huffs, Wonwoo burying his face in his hair, feeling Soonyoung's wrap around him in return.

He’s alive. _He’s alright._

Wonwoo can’t help but cry, hot tears of relief falling from his eyes. He’s never been more panicked than in these past three hours, thinking that... something could’ve really happened to him. That Seungcheol or someone knew, could’ve done something to him and...

“I’m okay. I’m okay,” Soonyoung whispers in his chest, Wonwoo patting the back of his hair, feeling that he’s real, he’s here, and he’s mostly unhurt. _He’s okay._

“What happened?” Wonwoo asks him, pulling away just enough to look at him, take in his split lip and the little spot of blood on his forehead, but nothing else. Soonyoung pulls at his hand, drags him to the ratty couch in the middle of the cabin.

He looks at him, his eyes open wide, his hand tight and clammy in Wonwoo’s. He looks... panicked, but also relieved, excited.

“Wonwoo... I have all of them. The documents._ Everything._ This is your chance. It’s now or never.”

Chills raise on Wonwoo's arms, the back of his neck. _Soonyoung..._

Soonyoung grabs a black backpack with one hand, wrenches it open to pull a few files.

"I looked through them while I was waiting for you. There are details on all the whore houses, all the companies in the US Seungcheol works with... all the drug money that came into the country. They're all actualized up until before he went into the hospital. They're real, Wonwoo. They're actually real. They're true. You can use them and finally do what you've always wanted to do," he whispers, rushed, his eyes wide. The magnitude of what he's holding hits Wonwoo as well, his hand tight in Soonyoung's.

He's holding the answer of what Wonwoo's been planning for the past twenty years of his life.

The answer to his revenge.

Wonwoo takes the documents from Soonyoung, puts them on the table, tries to calm down his trembling hand.

"I..." He stops.

Seungcheol's prioritized those documents over Soonyoung. Wonwoo won't do the same.

"Let's get you patched up first, okay?"

"Don't you wanna...?" Soonyoung asks, jerking his head to the papers on the table, stopping as Wonwoo shakes his head.

"These past few hours, I didn't even think the documents were with you. I didn't care. I care about you, Soonyoung, and you're hurt."

Soonyoung's done it for him, knowing how much it means to Wonwoo. Wonwoo needs to do something for him, stay calm _for him_ too.

The first aid kit is where it was when they came here for their vacation a few months before. In the kitchen to the right; Wonwoo remembers patching the scrape on Soonyoung's knee from where he had fallen in the forest while on their walk.

This time, touching the antiseptic to Soonyoung's forehead, feeling him shiver and the hand on Wonwoo's thigh tightening, everything's different, and yet it's the same.

There are bruises on Soonyoung's chest too; Wonwoo puts ice on them and urges Soonyoung to talk.

He starts, tangling his fingers with Wonwoo's again. Touch... Soonyoung's always needed touch, physical connection to ground him, keep him there. Wonwoo squeezes his hand until he has to pull away to clean his other cuts.

"I... I had them, and then I left Seungcheol's house and broke the phone. I told him I can't drive stick before so it would be believable, so... I drove into a tree and jumped out before it hit. I remember what you told me, so I used a piece of fabric and lit it on fire using the dashboard lighter, and... blew the car up. I don't know if they can trace it or whatever, so I figured... better safe than sorry."

He could've... he could've gotten really hurt. Stupid, stupid Soonyoung, Wonwoo thinks as he puts a bandage on his forehead.

"I walked and then took a taxi to the village close to here and then walked a bit more to here. I got here a bit before you did. I had a mask and a cap on, so I don't know if the taxi driver recognized me or whatever, but yeah... I figured you'd realize I came here."

In this place... months ago, in front of a crackling fire, Wonwoo's told Soonyoung his biggest secret.

He knew when he was compromised. When realistically, his reputation in the police had too many doubts for him to continue, and he would be better off carrying his plan next to Seungcheol. Hiding it from him would be hell anywhere, but next to him... Wonwoo would have more information.

Wonwoo let himself be convinced by Soonyoung to work with Seungcheol back then because that was what he had wanted to do in the first place. He wanted to get closer to him, know more, and there was no better time to do it.

He had expected Soonyoung to blame him for lying to him for so long, but Soonyoung _didn't._

Soonyoung understood. Soonyoung swore to him he'd help him no matter what, that he'd be with him no matter what, no matter what they were to go through.

And today... Soonyoung's stood by that and brought him his answers.

There are tears in his eyes that do not go away even as he finishes patching up Soonyoung. Maybe it's the relief, maybe it's just how much he feels for this man next to him, who literally risked it all for Wonwoo to be able to do what he's always wanted to do.

Soonyoung lifts up a thumb to wipe at his eyes, looking up at him with fondness in his look.

Wonwoo closes the space between his lips. Kisses Soonyoung with all the love he has for him, the certainty that now, it is really them against the world. Against Seungcheol, Jihoon, Seungcheol's father, anyone else.

Soonyoung kisses him back, sits properly on the couch and drags Wonwoo in his lap, his touches sure, strong, just on the side of too excited, raw. Full of feeling, the gravity of the moment spurring them both on. Wonwoo remembers the despair of not knowing where he was, if he was alright, and loses himself in Soonyoung, begs with little moans in his neck and kisses placed down his collarbone, relieved at the feeling of knowing he still has Soonyoung.

It's not soft. Soft would be the last way Wonwoo would describe Soonyoung's quick touches, the arch of his own back into him, the eagerness with which he welcomes Soonyoung's wet fingers slipping into him.

It's also really inappropriate, this is what it is, the wrong moment and time for them to be doing this but god, Wonwoo _wants_ Soonyoung, wants him with a desperation that he's never felt before, born out of the game with danger they're playing into. That they're _winning,_ with Soonyoung at his side.

There's an extended consciousness for those documents on the table behind him, but now Wonwoo couldn't care less, not when Soonyoung's pressing three fingers on his spot and burying his breaths in Wonwoo's collarbone, Wonwoo's chin pressing on the top of his head, his hands fisting themselves in the back of Soonyoung's shirt.

Soonyoung owns danger, _is_ danger, is a master at playing things which you would think are beyond him. Wonwoo shivers when he thinks of his control, at how he pulled off something like this, at how even now, in this position, where they are, he's wrenching the most intense pleasure from Wonwoo, nothing but focused on him. Soonyoung's sucked Wonwoo off while Wonwoo was driving at 100 kilometers per hour on an empty road, Soonyoung's played Jihoon for months for him, Soonyoung's pulled off his grandest heist and got him what Wonwoo never thought he could ever touch, Soonyoung's touching him like this, _now,_ and nothing else matters.

Wonwoo could never show Soonyoung how much he means to him. But he can do this: take Soonyoung's hands when he pulls his fingers out from inside him and pin them to the couch, Wonwoo's hand on his wrists. Jerk him off with a spit-slicked hand and drop down on his cock, take him to the hilt, ignoring the sharp pain traveling up his spine, down to his toes. Like this, Soonyoung feels huge, splitting him open, but Wonwoo _loves_ feeling full of him.

Soonyoung's desperate kisses, the loud moans Wonwoo muffles with his tongue, the twitches of his hips getting him even deeper inside Wonwoo, Wonwoo takes them all, collects them all, tightens around him when he moves up, drops back down and it _hurts,_ but Wonwoo loves the pain.

Loves being wrecked by Soonyoung, pushing limits and ignoring the definition of "too much," because what they have is too much and yet they keep breaking everything.

Soonyoung comes when Wonwoo's cock rubs on his stomach, comes deep inside him with a groan and his hand tangling with Wonwoo's, making the slide easier when Wonwoo doesn't stop. Soonyoung grabs his asscheek and fucks up into him even harder, moving his hand to rub the tip of Wonwoo's cock.

This Soonyoung... his focused Soonyoung, that doesn't play, whose single-minded determination gets him everything... Wonwoo loves him, whispers that in his ear with a ruined rasp when pleasure shots through his veins and he comes all over Soonyoung's shirt, trembling on his cock. And Soonyoung still doesn't stop, doesn't stop until Wonwoo's hands try to grasp at his shirt but catch no purchase, until Wonwoo grabs on to his neck and whispers that he can't, _Soonyoung..._

Only then does Soonyoung pull him off, his come dripping out of Wonwoo and over him, filthy but it's them, so Wonwoo couldn't care less.

Wonwoo kisses Soonyoung, presses himself up against him until the press of their mouths hurts, until he's filled himself with Soonyoung in every last cell in his body.

"What's wrong?" Soonyoung asks, settling next to Wonwoo on the couch after.

"Nothing's wrong. You just... This is a big risk, Soonyoung."

"Call them. Tell them you found me, and that we'll go to them. And then let's go to the Japan, or even to the US, like Jisoo said. We can test that."

"When it comes down to it, I don't trust Jisoo, Soonyoung," Wonwoo huffs. "Be serious. Why would you trust someone who's so loyal to Jeonghan and Seungcheol when he tells you he's on the same side as you?"

"He was not here this entire time though, when Seungcheol was in the hospital. I genuinely started to think he was establishing things in the US for this."

"I don't think he was. I think Jisoo is the kind of person you have to think things over with a thousand times. We were right in the beginning, he gave this to us knowing that we wouldn't bite. He just wanted to test us, face us with the fact that he knows we are betraying them, and see our reaction."

"So he knows."

"Yeah, maybe he knows. I think he's not telling Seungcheol though because he underestimated us, and it's not the right time. He didn't think we'd do anything. But now you have these, and..."

Soonyoung sighs for the first time, drops his head.

"He's too complicated."

"We can't do Japan either..."

"So then where can we go?" Soonyoung asks, fiddling with the edge of Wonwoo's sweater.

"I don't know. Maybe... I don't know. What about Jihoon though, Soonyoung? Are you willing to leave here and leave him? Go against him?"

"I can convince Jihoon," Soonyoung nods, way too confident. Wonwoo narrows his eyes at him.

"How?"

“He slept with me, didn’t he? It proved to me Seungcheol’s grip on him is weaker than they both thought. I can play that. I can break it.”

“Even now that he left his life for him?”

Soonyoung licks over his lips, huffs, smiles, a small, secretive smile. “People rarely change. I’ve been there when Jihoon was shaped to be who he is today. I know him. There’s something... that matters to Jihoon more than Seungcheol ever could.”

“What is it?”

“It’s pretty out in the daylight, actually. It's in all the news reports. Jihoon never left Seventeen.”

_“What?”_ Wonwoo asks, his tone weary but shocked.

“I talked to Pledis, and then snuck into their databases. He’s actually on a permanent hiatus, it wasn't just written in the news for fans to not suspect anything. In agency terms... he’s still under a contract. He left, but he also left himself a little exit door, you see? So if something goes wrong... he can come back and be protected by the fact that he's an idol with cameras and attention on him all the time, and not media agencies Seungcheol can control.”

"Are you serious?"

"I am. I am. It's... it's interesting for me because I don't know the exact reason for which he did it. But he told all of us that he broke his contract when in reality he didn't. So... clearly, he didn't want us to know. But I can break him."

"Soonyoung... that's insane. Honestly, I... I don't think it would work out."

"What are you saying?" Soonyoung asks, but Wonwoo thinks he knows it too, by the flatness of his tone.

"Soonyoung... I love you. Even if we go away, release these and topple Seungcheol... It will never be over. We’ll have targets on our backs the rest of our lives, and what we could cause... I don't know if we're ready to bring that kind of ruin. I know you know too.”

“I do," he sighs, his earlier courage contrived. "What do you want to do?”

“I want you to be safe. Let’s give them to Seungcheol.”

And so it is. Soonyoung's jaw drops, and his hands grab on to Wonwoo tight, so tight.

“Are you sure? You've worked for this for years, Wonwoo," his voice is shocked, his mouth open, but Wonwoo looks at him and wonders how he's even gotten here.

“I’ve changed so much. My goals have changed so much. So yeah. I’m... I'm sure.”

Seungcheol's safe house is all the way on the east coast, in the middle of nowhere. Wonwoo had to use coordinates to find the place.

Driving there, he can feel Soonyoung's nerves, almost see him vibrating in the passenger seat. Hiding from Seungcheol and Jihoon was something, but finally committing to them without them knowing is for some reason infinitely more difficult. Wonwoo almost wishes he could tell Seungcheol, stop living with the insecurities and the uncertainty of whether Seungcheol will ever find out, but he is hesitant to say he'll ever be forgiven.

He'll probably be dead before even realizing a bullet was shot at him.

So he gets it. He gets Soonyoung's tight grip on his thigh right before they get off the car, the backpack slung around Soonyoung's shoulder. The damn backpack.

Wonwoo's made his decisions, but it doesn't mean he doesn't feel just a little bitter seeing Jihoon hug him before Soonyoung hands the backpack to Seungcheol, gets a hug from him too. From Jeonghan and Jisoo, before Seungcheol's eyes fix on him.

A shiver chills Wonwoo from head to toe. Wonwoo doesn't smile because he wouldn't, it would be fake and awkward.

And he's still kind of mad. He's supposed to be, so he remembers that in his interactions, as he steps over the threshold of the safe house, seeing the plane on the runway behind it ready to take off.

If they suspect anything, Wonwoo can't tell.

Also because _god_ is Soonyoung a good actor. The real bruises and cuts on him help, and the story is close enough to reality that it works. There's nothing fake in anyone's behavior; Wonwoo watches Jihoon and Jeonghan fiddle with his bandages, replacing them and doing a better job than Wonwoo did.

They asked, and they told them Soonyoung walked to a village, found a phone and called Wonwoo first because his is the first number he remembered.

He should... Wonwoo can tell Jihoon thinks it should've been him. But he hopes he feels jealous more than questioning or confused, if Soonyoung is right and Jihoon has some loyalty left in him for Soonyoung and Seventeen.

Maybe it's a trap. Maybe it is, but Wonwoo has learned to live in sheer uncertainty, with the thoughts that everything is, if not suspicious, at least questionable, so you need to continue with what seems best. It's like gambling; you use your rationality to place your bets on the option you think has the most probability to win.

Wonwoo's never really been good at gambling. He's too far of a rational mind for it.

Not even the beauty of the island, the sheer peace of it can calm Wonwoo's nerves. He's nervous not only because of everything that happened until now, but for what's going to happen from now on. Who was it who could drive Seungcheol in such a state of panic that he'd leave his entire life in Korea and pack it all away to strategize? What happened, and can they fix it?

At this point, is anything fixable?

It's night when they arrive and when they ultimately decide to sleep it off, for now, reconvene tomorrow and start their work. Soonyoung and Wonwoo take the bungalow connected to the main one, Seungcheol and Jihoon's, but even as Soonyoung falls asleep next to him, Wonwoo can't.

His mind is a mess of thoughts and worries and fears, chilling him deep to his bones. He's unsettled, jumbled, and not even Soonyoung's heavy hand over his waist can soothe his thoughts and let him fall asleep.

So he gets up, walking the distance between their bungalow and the main one, where the kitchen is, intending to get a glass of water, and maybe a drink or two. It's dark and he treads as easy as he can to not wake Seungcheol or Jihoon up.

So he doesn't notice the figure in the living room chair until a lamp is turned on, bathing the room in low, golden light and startling the hell out of Wonwoo, who lets go of his glass of water, puts it on the counter.

Seungcheol. It's Seungcheol in the living room chair, and Wonwoo's blood freezes in his veins seeing the look on his face when he gets up, taking a few steps to Wonwoo, his mouth opening in a sneer.

_He's doomed._

“A few weeks before Jihoon left Seventeen, before I woke up, Jihoon remembers Soonyoung driving one of my cars to take Jihoon to the hospital. He didn’t drive often, very rarely actually, but Jihoon is fairly sure that it was stick. And that he had no problem.”

Seungcheol taking his gun out of his holster, pointing it between Wonwoo’s eyes, feels like a death sentence.

“You know what I also remember? A wired teddy bear placed in my apartment, the one I had for Jihoon, the one very few people knew about. One of the very few being you. The only one who didn’t know that the apartment’s frequencies were wired to not record anything.”

Seungcheol walks a few more steps until they're eye to eye, his gun digging into Wonwoo’s chest, over his heart, chilling him _to his bones._

“I think you have a few things to explain to me, Jeon Wonwoo.”


	2. lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I apologize this is shorter; I don't want to add useless things just to add them, so here we are! I hope you enjoy it. <3 As always, my Twitter and CC are @bbysvts, and I welcome all comments, positive or negative. <3

_Jeonghan smirks, and when his lips touch his own, the smirk is obvious in the upturn of his mouth._

_Seungcheol must be watching; Jihoon tugs Jeonghan back by his hair and wordlessly tells him to cut it off._

_So Jeonghan pulls back, winks at Jihoon out of Seungcheol's line of view, and untangles his legs, getting up from the bed and closing the door behind him, leaving Seungcheol and Jihoon alone in the room._

Tunnel vision; Wonwoo desperately grabs at all parts of his mind to bring together, focus on the press of Seungcheol's gun to his chest, the silencer promising this was very well planned.

He can do this. He can get out of this.

"Tell me the truth, Wonwoo. And the truth now."

Wonwoo breathes in, feels as it only gets the press of the gun more uncomfortably digging into his skin.

“You’re pointing a gun at my heart. If I don’t say what you want to hear, am I ever going to say anything again?”

"Hmm," Seungcheol hums, snorts, before his face moves into an impenetrable, stonefaced expression in a blink. "Don't play smart with me, Wonwoo. Not a good look."

"I'm not playing anything."

"Tell me why you're here then." Seungcheol asks, firm and unmoving. Scary.

"Isn't it obvious?"

The gun pressing deeper on his chest tells him that it isn't actually obvious, that this is not working. What else? What else?

Jeonghan strides into the room and turns the lamp on, knowing Jihoon isn't sleeping. Seungcheol left the room a few minutes before, and the fact he didn't acknowledge Jihoon meant he didn't need to know.

He doesn't need to know.

He'd rather not, judging by how Jeonghan sits down on the bed facing him, his legs tucked under himself. Jihoon sits up against the headboard and tugs the blankets to his lap, sighing.

"Hi, Jihoon-ah."

"Did he send you here?"

"He did."

So... Jihoon gulps. That means...?

"Are you supposed to distract me?"

"I am supposed to. But I'm not here to do that."

Jihoon's eyebrows raise, and his hands instinctively fiddle with the ends of the comforter, pulling it apart and running it between his index and his thumb. What is Jeonghan doing?

"I'm here to talk to you about something you don't want to hear. But that you have to."

"What is it?"

"Wonwoo and Soonyoung."

Of course, Jihoon huffs. It's been a long time coming, that, but it doesn't mean it makes him less nervous, unsettled, his blood feeling like it's vibrating under his skin.

"Are they gonna die?" He manages to ask, his voice shakier than he wishes it would be, but Jeonghan only meets his hesitant question with an incredulous huff.

"Die? Jihoon, Seungcheol's forgiving Wonwoo..." he looks at his wrist without any watch on, "...right about now."

"I'm here because there's nowhere else I could be."

"Bullshit, Wonwoo," Seungcheol sneers. "You'd rather be anywhere but here. Isn't this what you've always been playing? For the entire time?"

"You say that like I ever had a choice, Seungcheol," Wonwoo counteracts, calming down the racing beat of his heart, almost pushing his anger up. Soonyoung. _Soonyoung._ "I've always been here and I never had a chance to leave even if I've always wanted to."

"But you wanted to."

"Of course I wanted to, Seungcheol," Wonwoo laughs right away, a burst of poisonous laughter that gives even him chills. "You have no idea how much I hate you. You and your father and your life and Jeonghan and my own father and my mother and my stepfather and my brother and absolutely everyone. _Everyone,_ Seungcheol." His humorless laugh turns into gritted teeth, into confessions he's never made out in the open, baring them all to Seungcheol.

Who would've thought this would be the time he would get to tell it all to the man he hates most?

Even he's taken aback. Seungcheol's eyes widen, and his grip shakes, like he almost didn't expect Wonwoo to admit it.

"You have no idea," Wonwoo goes on, his teeth gritting to take away from the pain of the metal over his skin. "You have _no idea_ how much _hate_ I've buried in the 20 years since I've left, you have absolutely no idea, Seungcheol. You have no idea how it felt to be completely alone, how it felt to lose everything I had. Everyone talks like my mother had sacrificed herself for us, but I could never see it. She sacrificed for herself, and the moment she had an excuse, the moment she found out I was not straight, she didn't see me as her own child anymore.

I was lonely, exhausted, lost, and I hated _everything._ And most of all, I hated _you._ For staying. For never reaching out to me, for never trying to find me again when you could have and I couldn't. It felt like I hadn't ever mattered to the only person who ever really cared about me, and that can so easily turn into hate. When you had Jeonghan and Junhui and everyone around you, I had _nothing._

So I've always wanted revenge. But when I got the chance, I realized it doesn't matter. Because in the end... I can't do anything with it. I could never go through with it. Because once upon a time, I didn't hate you, no matter how much I do now. And coming back... him making come back only made me realize that."

Seungcheol doesn't breathe, looking straight at him. Wonwoo doesn't know what to do now. What to say besides this?

"What do you mean?" Jihoon asks, bending forward almost desperately to Jeonghan.

"I mean exactly what I said."

"Seungcheol's forgiving Wonwoo? Seungcheol never forgives anyone," Jihoon's eyes narrow, but something in him settles, some sort of relief. Is that betraying Seungcheol?

"Seungcheol's not himself, Jihoon. Seungcheol's... been losing it," Jeonghan says. He says it with such conviction, such bitterness, almost pity, that it gives Jihoon _chills._

He's... it's not to say that Jihoon hasn't noticed. He has. That's the worst thing. This Seungcheol... doesn't feel like his old Seungcheol. He didn't want to say anything, but by his silence, Jeonghan must be able to tell Jihoon understands.

He'd never think about them going, Wonwoo and Soonyoung, but... Seungcheol.

"So I'm here to talk to you, Jihoon, because I know you get me. We need to be heartless _for him,_ Jihoon-ah."

Jihoon swallows, takes a deep breath, but nods. If that's what it takes.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to keep an eye on Soonyoung. I don't believe they just decided to end everything they wanted to do and just give it all up to dedicate their lives to helping us. You know Soonyoung. Just... keep an eye on him, and let's talk if you notice something's off."

Jihoon's fist clenches in the comforter, a knot in his throat taking him close to tears. Who would have known? Who would have known that the person he considered closest to him in this world would end up wrenched from him like this, their relationship twisted beyond belief?

"Seungcheol never agreed with this, but I think you will, Jihoon. You don't trust the people close to you. The people who you love the most you're also going to play the most, right?"

It takes a while for Seungcheol to answer, and when he does, his smile is bitter, hateful.

"You hate me? That's good, because I hate myself too, Wonwoo. We have something in common, you can join the club," Seungcheol snorts, but his grip on the gun never waivers. "Why did you come back though when you could've left, that's what I want to know."

Wonwoo snorts. "If it was just me, Seungcheol, I would've left the moment I had my hand on those documents, and never looked back," he admits. "Because up until a few months ago, I had nothing to lose."

Seungcheol waits a breath, huffs with a bout of humorless laughter.

"I see. He changed you, didn't he?"

"He... I had no fears, Seungcheol. I didn't give a shit about if I died or if someone around me died or about anything in the world. Now...

Now I fear everything. And that's how it is."

Seungcheol nods in understanding, puffing his lips, but Wonwoo can see his finger from the corner of his eye anyway, moving up to push back the safety of his gun.

Wonwoo's heart stops.

He'd almost wish that in the last moments of his life, he'd be able to know of anything else other than him, but god...

As the lock of the safety loudly clicks in place, Wonwoo wishes he would've woken Soonyoung up to say _I love you_ for one last time before he got out of bed.

"Shoot. Shoot first and ask questions after. When you're close to someone, that's how it always needs to be. Because we're all human and we're weak, and they'll always convince you otherwise. Got it?"

Jihoon nods, gritting his teeth. He doesn't like this. Doesn't like it at all.

"Do you remember what Jisoo told you a few months ago? About us, the four of us, being a square, the points connected to each other?"

Jihoon narrows his eyes but he nods, seeing what Jeonghan is hinting at. How could he not?

Jeonghan smirks. "So then, why don't we make a little pact, Jihoon-ah?"

The gun makes a sound, a dull bang, and Wonwoo closes his eyes, wondering what exactly will he get to see.

Except a second after, there's nothing. No pain, no light at the end of the tunnel either, just the feeling of the nails digging into his hands and the sounds of the sea still whirling in his ears.

Seungcheol shot. What did he shoot?

Wonwoo's eyes fly open, and just then he registers the feeling of the gun pressing on his chest having disappeared. Opening his eyes, his head bowed, he sees Seungcheol's gun pointing to the floor, and the hole in it.

His eyes snap to Seungcheol's, and a wave of relief unlike anything he's ever experienced takes over him, so strong it drives him to his knees, head bowed with his breath coming out so hard from his chest it feels like his lungs don't have enough space to contain air.

He's alive. He's _alive._

Seungcheol kneels in front of him, and the safety of the gun is back in its place, away to put the worries in Wonwoo's mind to rest. He made it. He _made it._

"I don't want any more people who love me. People who love me love me too much for our own good, and they don't even know it. I don't mind that you hate me, as long as you've decided you want to be here."

Wonwoo can't even answer, still in shock, Seungcheol's words whirling past his ears.

"Let me tell you something. I'm going to go back into that room now, and find the two people I love most talking behind my back. They don't want to betray me. They just want to help me, but we have two different ideas about what that means. And I can't do anything about that."

Once more, Wonwoo gulps and swallows, his hard breath still coming out shaky, small. Seungcheol gets up, pats him on the shoulder and walks away.

Wonwoo raises his eyes.

Except...

"I know who did this. Everything."

Wonwoo has the answers. The snap of Seungcheol's head is almost audible in the darkness of the living room.

"What?"

"I know who and I know why," his eyes raise to Seungcheol's, fire running through his veins. It feels like the start to something huge, like Wonwoo's escaped death but is plunging into danger that might be worse than just having disappeared. "It's... it's someone important."

"Did you fuck him while I was gone?" Seungcheol asks, and Jihoon swallows the cold water in his glass before turning to him.

"You think that was what my mind was on when you were in a coma and we had a whole mess to deal with? Fucking Jeonghan?"

"So then why this whole spectacle?"

"He's trying to get a rise out of you, Seungcheol," Jihoon throws to him, rinsing his glass. "You deserve it."

Seungcheol keeps silent, so Jihoon puts the glass away, tries to keep his voice steady when he speaks .

"Did you kill them?"

The sound of the gun replays in Jihoon's head, still audible from the bedroom even when silenced, and so do the chills down his back. The hole in the floor he noticed when he walked out is the only thing giving him hope.

"Do you think I did?"

"I think you didn't," Jihoon looks straight at Seungcheol, loses some of the fear in his heart from before. This is Seungcheol. _His_ Seungcheol. Who loves him, who would never do anything like that to him.

"Of course I didn't, Jihoon. I never meant to."

_Ignore it. He's buying time,_ Jeonghan's voice rings in his head, right after they heard the gunshot, and Jihoon thinks that this, this looks more like reality, and not a terrifying nightmare in which his fiancée would kill his best friend.

And have good reasons to.

So he breathes out, throws himself at Seungcheol, hugs him tight, feels the tension leave his shoulders and hears Seungcheol let out a huge breath.

"I hate this. I hate this _so much,_ hyung," Jihoon whispers, feeling Seungcheol's arms tighten around his waist, providing just a little bit of comfort. In the grand scheme of things it's meaningless, because the thousands of worries on his mind will not go away, and it's not like Seungcheol's will either.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. We'll fix this. I promise I'll find a way," Seungcheol whispers in his hair.

Seungcheol barely sleeps, if he even does at all that night, replaying Wonwoo's words in his head while having a smoke on the beach and looking to the sea.

More than anything, he feels bad. For not having done anything that long time ago; he thought Wonwoo would never want to be associated with the family again, that he'd save his and his family's life if he let him go.

Or maybe he just did it because it was easier. Because it meant not having to cross his father by reaching out to them. It was also easier to ignore the fact it would be his duty to later kill them.

He was a fool back then, ignoring the truth, and he is as much of a fool now. Because if he looks back at the bungalows, he'll see five people who he's always thought he had a grip on, but on which it turns out he doesn't at all. His family. His entire family.

Jeonghan kissing Jihoon plays in his head like a sick joke. A statement, Jihoon had said, and a statement of what? That Jeonghan is crossing him to get to Jihoon?

For what?

Later, behind him, a light flickers. Seungcheol looks back and realizes it's Jeonghan and Jisoo's bungalow.

He gets up in a second, his steps heavy, quick.

Jeonghan's in the kitchen, and Seungcheol doesn't hesitate a second to grab his wrist and drag him out of the bungalow, pushing him to the wall behind, where the light barely reaches. Jeonghan wraps his hands around Seungcheol's forearms on both sides of his head and faces him head-on, his eyes boring into Seungcheol's.

Even if he wanted to, Seungcheol couldn't explain the emotions rising in his chest; anger, frustration, hopelessness, the kind that bring you to fiery tears. He grits his teeth to make sure he doesn't burst into them, tilts his head.

Jeonghan swallows, just once, and Seungcheol couldn't take his eyes away if he wanted to.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm not doing anything to you."

"Jeonghan," Seungcheol warns, a low whisper.

But Jeonghan keeps silent. Seungcheol breathes in, and takes the approach he knows will get him somewhere.

_Honesty._

"I can't take anything that makes me feel like I'm losing you, Jeonghan. _I can't._ I fucking can't, do you understand me?" He whispers, his teeth gritted and his eyes boring his conviction into Jeonghan's eyes. He feels like he's going insane.

It works. Seungcheol sees him melt, because that's _them._

"You're not losing me."

Seungcheol breathes.

"So then why the whole thing with Jihoon? Why does it feel like you're going behind my back?"

Seungcheol almost expects Jeonghan to be ready with an explanation like he always is, always ready to convince you that what you're thinking is wrong.

_"I'm sorry."_

That doesn't come.

"I'm so sorry, I just... You forgiving Wonwoo is so unlike you that I just... I didn't know what to do. I wanted to talk to Jihoon to make sure that he also kept an eye on it because he'd be better than me at it but... I don't know. I'm just worried, Cheol-ah."

Jeonghan stops, looks up at him again, and Seungcheol sees the things he knows he doesn't show anyone else. That weakness, the ability to admit when he's wrong or he made a bad call, those are never Jeonghan, the Jeonghan who will undoubtedly turn every situation into one that benefits him.

"You're worried about me?"

"Yes," Jeonghan admits without hesitation, his fingers tangling in Seungcheol's, making Seungcheol drop his hands from the wall. "You haven't been yourself since you came back. You're way more easily panicked, way less controlled, way more forgiving. I don't know what to do with that, Cheol-ah, I don't know what do when you're like that."

He doesn't because it means their positions have to change. It means that Jeonghan feels like he has to take Seungcheol's own heartless persona and put it on himself. And Jeonghan can't do that.

"Hannie... You think I hadn't known from before that Wonwoo wasn't fully here? Or that Jisoo and you were scheming to pull it out of them? Of course I knew it, Jeonghan, but forgiving him... you know it's the right thing to do."

"Why is it the right thing to do? It could come back to bite us in the ass anytime, Cheol-ah," Jeonghan almost whines, so unlike the seriousness of the discussion Seungcheol can't help the smirk on his face.

"I know you got used to running everything, but trust me a bit, yeah, Jeonghan-ah?"

"Cheol..." Jeonghan says, low, saying that he doesn't quite yet.

But that's fine. If they both thought the same, how would they make a great team?

"Why did you kiss Jihoon though, huh? That's not right, Jeonghan-ah," Seungcheol berates him. "He doesn't play these games. I asked you back then to keep him out of them and that still goes."

"When you weren't around, him and I worked just fine. I just wanted to make sure that's still true. I need him to trust me too, not only you. Plus... his morals need to change from now on."

"You're thinking too much. Jihoon trusts you and Jisoo, and his morals are no worry."

"We'll see," Jeonghan huffs. "When it gets down to the meat of what we have to do, we'll see then."

"I'll promise you he'll be fine," Seungcheol squeezes his hands, twists his lips down. "I missed you."

Jeonghan's face twists. He slowly moves his arms up, burying his face in Seungcheol's shoulder and wrapping himself around him. Seungcheol hugs him too, his arms tight around his waist and on the back of his head.

They've been a little fucked up lately, maybe. Maybe Seungcheol was too inside his head trying to get back that he didn't realize he was influencing everyone around him and maybe Jeonghan went low, too low, trying to get Seungcheol's attention back on what matters.

But Seungcheol loves him just the same, and Jeonghan's still the most important person in his life. So it's fine, and Seungcheol feels his worries subdue little by little every second he feels like he has Jeonghan back. Now that he does...

Seungcheol allows himself to cry, the desperation he felt before, thinking that he had lost him and everything else coming out in his tears. Jeonghan must feel him, must feel the tears now wetting his shirt and he pulls back, grabbing Seungcheol's face in his hands, his expression nothing less than alarmed.

"What's wrong?" He asks, wiping Seungcheol's tears away, and Seungcheol tilts his head in the comforting warmth of his hand.

"If I tell you that most of our life was a lie, what would you say?"

At 7 AM, just at the break of dawn, drinking his coffee with everyone in the room, the tension almost palpable, Seungcheol hears the whirl of a helicopter engine coming closer and closer.

He's immediately out of his chair, finding the gun stashed in the closet and out of the door of the bungalow in a second, watching as the helicopter lands on the airstrip. Jeonghan seems to have followed him with his own gun, and even over the whirring of the helicopter, he can hear him shout that it's Junhui.

It is indeed. As soon as the helicopter is on the ground and the stairs are down, Junhui jumps out and so do most of Jihoon's members. They immediately run over to where Jihoon and Soonyoung are presumably behind them, and Seungcheol waits for Junhui to approach them, the whirring of the helicopter stopping.

Seungcheol gets hit with an image of how this would've all looked if he went through with his plan. Nobody would've been able to forgive him, and he gets chills just thinking about when they would've found out about him. Torturing himself, he looks back at the members crowding around Soonyoung, and feels his heart break, the anger at himself for even thinking about it. If he can't protect his loved ones and the ones they love, what is he here for?

He can't help it; he squeezes Jeonghan's wrist before Junhui gets to them, and when he looks at him, Jeonghan nods. He gets it.

"I'm sorry, if I didn't bring them here they would've flown the airplane themselves, so..."

"Don't worry," Seungcheol reassures him. "I was just worried cause security people are coming tomorrow only, so I was taken aback."

"I called you when we left last night, but none of you answered your phones."

Right. Right. Seungcheol completely forgot to check his damn phone with everything happening.

"It's good to have you here, Junhui. We were just about to start talking, so come."

"Let's. But by the way, later you need to tell my pilot who flew you here, because he finds it ridiculous how that airplane could land on this small island."

Seungcheol chuckles, the only time he thinks he'll laugh for a while.

"Are you okay with all of them listening in?" He quickly whispers to Jihoon before they all sit down on the large couches in the game room, way too bright for what they're about to talk about.

"Yeah. At this point..." They all know, Seungcheol guesses, so he squeezes Jihoon's waist when he sits down next to him. Somewhere to his right on the couch, Wonwoo's gripping Soonyoung's wrist and they're whispering to each other. Jisoo's looking at them, and then he catches Seungcheol looking at him in return, and Seungcheol wonders if everyone thinks he made the wrong decision.

When they all sit down, the temperature of the room shifts and gets 10 degrees colder, Seungcheol almost getting chills of anticipation on his arms. Wonwoo had told him the gist of things but not the full story, so getting ready to hear it is no small feat.

"Yeah... I guess I should tell you everything, yeah?" Wonwoo starts, and out of the corner of his eyes, Seungcheol sees Soonyoung's fingers intertwine with his.

"It started when we left, I guess. My mother told me that my father and her, along with Jeonghan's mother, were the only people who knew about the affair. And Seungcheol's sister," he looks at Seungcheol, and he can't help but feel a shiver down his spine. "So she told me that your father's new wife killed them off. For her, it was more of a message of 'see what happens to everyone who gets involved', so I took it... like that.

But then a few months ago, when I went to Chuncheon... I met a woman who was the owner of a few houses there with her husband. When we got drunk, she told me what she knew of her story: that she was the daughter of an escort and a high-up businessman. She didn't know his name, but when her mother died, she realized that it was because of him. She's made it her life goal to find him. And get her revenge."

Silence falls upon the room, potent and chilling.

"I knew it was your sister. Because she looks like you," Wonwoo looks at Seungcheol, and the look makes Seungcheol's fists clench. He had been looking for years. _Years._

"I went back there a few weeks ago. When you were still in the hospital. Because I was... suspicious. And I was right. She wasn't there anymore.

The workers in her houses told me what happened. They said her husband had died but nobody knows from what, and struck with grief, she went to Seoul. But they also said... someone had come to pick her up. In a car that they've never seen before.

When I came back, I started looking for her. Because I thought I knew who picked her up. And again, I was right. I found her at the main house."

The shock can be heard in short gasps and deep breaths.

"Your father found her first. But I think... instead of revenge, she took his offer. As long as she's his daughter... she has a claim. To the top. And she didn't seem like the kind of woman who wouldn't take it."

"Are you saying..." Jihoon moves next to him, his voice beyond shocked, scared.

"Yes. I think so. The person who planned all of this... it's probably Seungcheol's father." 

Seungcheol blinks, laughs._ He knew it._


	3. lie again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/Ws for this chapter: explicit verbal and physical violence, and death. No one big, no one we've met before actually, but... the violence scene I think is pretty heavy. If you don't want to read it, DM me on Twitter or CC me and I'll be happy to explain what happens!
> 
> I hope you like this chapter! I'm SO excited for it because not only we're finally going into the deep end of things, but also because this explores someone else we haven't so far, and I've always been excited to have this in. Enjoy it!! <3
> 
> As always, my Twitter and CC are @bbysvts. Come chat with me!

_"Would it be selfish of me? To introduce you to someone?" He asks, turning on the bed, his hand now on his own waist tracing circles on the bare skin._

_"It's not. You saved my life, but even if you hadn't, I trust you with it anyway. If you think it's the right decision..."_

_"He'll treat you better than I ever could. I promise. I trust him more than myself."_

The path to the beach is hot even in the night; Jisoo should've worn shoes, but he didn't feel like finding them.

Seungcheol is smoking a cigarette when Jisoo sits down next to him on a chair on the porch overlooking the beach, staring at the dark waves of the ocean, a little too strongly breaking at the shore. Seungcheol doesn't like the sea.

Jisoo extends his hand and Seungcheol drops the pack in it; Jisoo opens it, picks one up and picks the lighter up from inside it, putting it between his lips and lighting it up. The smoke filling his lungs is familiar, but his throat still hurts.

"You're not sleeping much."

"I can't sleep," Seungcheol curtly responds, not sparing Jisoo even a glance, taking the last drag of his cigarette and stumping it in the ashtray. Jisoo flicks the ashes from his and brings his knees to his chest in the comfortable outdoor chair.

"Do you have anything against me?"

"I don't. I really don't, Jisoo-ya."

Jisoo doesn't believe that.

"So then why does it seem like you hate me recently?"

"I don't hate you, Jisoo. I just don't know what to do with you."

Jisoo nods, turning his eyes back to the ocean.

"You've always been too much of a wildcard for me. Is it okay for me to admit that?"

"Yeah. I suppose you're right, I'm sorry. I did go behind your back a couple of times."

"It was my fault I made it happen."

Jisoo doesn't doubt they're talking about Jeonghan. Now that they found out it's likely his father doing this... Jisoo can't even imagine how it feels for someone so close to you to betray you like this. Seungcheol must need Jeonghan so badly right now.

"You know I'm with you know though, right?"

"I'd appreciate if you didn't lie to us though," Seungcheol says, and his eyes turn to Jisoo's. "Does Jeonghan know your mother's just fine?"

Jisoo sighs. "He doesn't."

"Why did you go to the US, Jisoo-ya?"

"I wanted to make sure Wonwoo and Soonyoung were still under my eyes if they wanted to leave. Jeonghan and Jihoon were going crazy with things while you were in the hospital, so I had to keep them in check since they couldn't. Plus... my mother's a doctor. She had connections."

"Is she the one who found out about the medicine?"

"She is."

"So I suppose I need to thank you then? For saving my life?"

"No. You don't need to," Jisoo ticks the corner of his mouth up. "Why would you thank me for that? I would've done it a thousand times over anyway."

"She must've risked a lot."

"She didn't, it's alright. She was happy to help. Plus... she owes you. We both do."

Seungcheol sighs, shakes his head with an exasperated noise, smirking. "Ah, Jisoo-ya. Every time I try to find something to dislike about you, you just go ahead and kill all my hopes. What do I do now?"

"You disliked me in the beginning," Jisoo carefully chances, his forgotten cigarette burning his fingers. It's dangerous territory; Seungcheol's intake of breath is enough to tell he thinks so too.

"I thought we agreed not to bring that up again."

"It's just us, it's fine." Jisoo stubs his cigarette, leans forward to Seungcheol. "We need to talk about it."

"Why?"

"They're looking into it. It's the US. It's not that easy to cover things up there; the case has been brought back up. That's also why I went."

"Brought back up by who?"

"I don't know. But... don't you think it's your brother? Or your father? It can't be a coincidence."

"Ah Jisoo... a murder case from 6, almost 7 years ago is nothing. What are they going to find now?" Seungcheol dismisses him with a hand, and Jisoo feels his fingers unconsciously grip onto the armrest of the chair.

"What are they going to find? They can "find" many things. They can suddenly "realize" there's a CCTV behind the club, a witness who saw someone beating up someone else that night, a DNA clue, search for _the body_. If you're suspected for_ murder,_ Seungcheol," Jisoo exclaims and immediately lowers his tone, realizing how loud he was talking. "If you're suspected in the US, your brother and your father and everyone else will gain a huge advantage because you won't be able to go in there again and they'll track you down. The US is a whole new beast, Seungcheol, and you can't buy that. Your mafia connections will be nothing there, and right now you have none of the connections you had in Korea anyway to wipe things down and make them disappear."

"So what do you want me to do?" Seungcheol turns to him, gritting his teeth. He looks... unsettled, angry all of a sudden, his nonchalant attitude gone in a blink. "What in god's name do you want me to do? Go back 6 years and not do it? Let you be beaten to death? Not take you out of there? What else do I need to fucking do, Jisoo? What?" He asks, frustration coloring his voice.

Jisoo closes his eyes, screws them shut and opens them again, to calm down.

"I need us to figure this out. We're getting attacked from all sides, Seungcheol, we can't wait anymore. I'm going crazy just waiting. We can't... we have to do something!"

"I told you all we need to wait. They need to contact us first; we must show we're not desperate. We have the documents and everything they need to actually run the family."

"Fuck the documents, for god's sake, Seungcheol! Are you crazy?" Jisoo bursts, way too loud. Grits his teeth at Seungcheol's furrowed brows, lowers his tone. "Your father probably knows those by heart, he has someone who could legitimately take over your role, he's plotting with two families in Korea to take you down and that matters to him more than a _war_ against his own people, you have a brother with huge connections in the US who's out for you, and you're about to be implicated in a high-profile _murder case._ And you want to fucking _wait?"_

Seungcheol bites his tongue between his teeth, shakes his head.

"What the fuck do you want me to do then?" He asks, his teeth gritting.

"I want you to do _something._ Tomorrow. Tomorrow we sit down and figure out what we have and how we can go back to Korea and win this war. Whatever we need."

"Jisoo..." Seungcheol starts, and Jisoo digs his nails in his arm.

"You promised me. You promised me back then, over my father's body, that you'd protect me until the end, didn't you? I got it then that you couldn't be with me, and I still get it until today, and you've held your promise. But now I need you to protect yourself, get it? Get it, Seungcheol?" He half-whispers, his grip getting tighter, conveying his desperation.

Seungcheol huffs, laughs, waits a breath, then one more. His expression is far away, like he's thinking about the past. Everything that got them to here.

"You must've been disappointed, weren't you? That I'd told you I couldn't make you my partner because you are a man but then I went and named a man my partner anyway."

Jisoo smiles, pulls back. 

"I love Jeonghan. I have since I met him and I always will, and I'd never be anywhere else. That's all in the past for me."

"Do you ever wonder how we got here though? Entangled in all these things and unable to really ever trust anyone?"

He lets go of his arm. "That's just our world; layers upon layers of secrets," he sighs, and turns back to Seungcheol, decided. "We should tell Jeonghan."

Seungcheol humphs. "Maybe it's 6 years too late. He's going to be crushed."

"He needs to know. If we strategize properly it's a big variable."

"Let's keep it to ourselves for now. We have years of practice, yeah?" Seungcheol smiles at him. "Plus... he kind of knows already. You weren't very subtle at the beginning with your looks, you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"Right when this whole thing with Jihoon started, he and I messed around in the office once. I told him he has a boyfriend, that he should go to him. And you know what he told me?"

Jisoo waits, swallowing.

_"Please, my boyfriend wants you even more than me."_

Seungcheol gets up, hovering over his chair, patting him on the cheek. "He's not stupid. We couldn't fool him for too long, right? So there's no need to tell him; he knows it already in his heart, and bringing it up to the surface will only create a rift where there doesn't need to be one right now.

That square with the diagonals drawn... can also break in half, you know? He and Jihoon are already very involved because of all the work they've done together; them knowing about us will divide the four of us even more, and I don't know what will happen then."

The deep breath he takes almost hurts; he doesn't smoke too often, so the effects are strong when he does. Going behind Jeonghan's back has been hurting him for too long, and he doesn't know how much more he can take. "Fine. But you promise me we'll start doing something, yeah?"

"I trust you, Jisoo-ya. If you think so, then we will."

"Thanks for coming here, by the way. You didn't have to," Seungcheol tells the rest of Seventeen, scattered around the couches and the floor.

"We wanted to. If we can help," Mingyu shrugs, and his nonchalance, how relaxed he seems to be, almost makes Jisoo chuckle. It's refreshing to see people who are not deeply involved in the mess they are right now, knowing that there is a life beyond all of this.

"I got word from Korea last night; Gaeun is back and helping let us know what's happening. She said they're preparing to put someone else in the lead; they're changing things in the firms and trying to get people's alliances, campaign for it."

"So what can we do then?"

"We need to make it as hard as possible for them to do this. We have two key parts to this: one, the documents about the history of the family. Without those, it will be hard to fully know everything the family does. Everything that's illegal, all the connections we have are there, and maybe my father remembers it, but it's hard to remember it all. The second is the firm," Jisoo sees Seungcheol look at Jihoon. "If we bring that down, it will be better."

"Why bring it down?" Jihoon narrows his eyes. "Why not just use it?"

"Because they're going to drive it to the ground first. They'll have a shareholders meeting, and my dad will convince them. And then they'll put her up there and get a new one so she can gain legitimacy with people."

"How much would it help to have that be ours?" Jihoon continues, and Jeonghan nods.

"Immensely. Main legal profit chain. Associations with a lot of firms."

"Isn't that a CEO decision though? Like doesn't the CEO make those decisions?" Chan intervenes, all of Seventeen's eyebrows furrowed.

"Yes and no. In the absence of the CEO, it's the board."

"But it's still Seungcheol who has the ownership, kind of," Jeonghan explains, and Seungcheol nods.

"Yes. The CEO never holds the shares, it's the head of the family that holds the 33.4%. So it's still me."

"They can't take that from you, can they?" Jisoo asks.

"No... they technically can't. It's difficult, but the principle is that everything has to be signed."

"Has a head ever been ousted?"

"Not in our family, but if a head is ousted, they usually sign the shares over. Forced or not."

"Okay. They can't force you though because you're not there. So... if you keep that, what can we do?" Jihoon nods, his hands tangling on his knees. His eyebrow is furrowed, and the corner of his mouth is dropped. His calm composure is slipping - Jisoo needs to talk to Seungcheol about that.

"Nothing much, realistically. We don't have a majority; we need 51% to gain control and kind of... take over the board decision-wise?"

"Jihoon, you're the CEO. If we get you the 51%... Even if Seungcheol is ousted as head, it's different. You gain control anyway," Jisoo nods at him, and Seungcheol's eyebrows furrow.

"How would we get him 51%? I only have 33.4%."

"I have 7.5%," Jeonghan throws.

"Still, that gets us to barely over 40%."

"My dad will sell to you. He hasn't agreed with what your father's been doing in a long time, and he's... different. He approves of me and Minghao, it's not that big of a deal for him. We have 7.5% too; I don't hold it, but he'll be easily convinced," Junhui nods.

"That takes us to around 48%. Who else holds 3%? There's nobody, most shareholders hold way less, and even if they do, they wouldn't agree to sell; they're with my father."

"I have an idea. You're not going to like it, but..." Jisoo starts, and he thinks Seungcheol knows where he's going.

"What is it?" Jeonghan asks, and Jisoo holds a breath before speaking.

"The Smith Group. They hold 4%, don't they?"

"No," Seungcheol immediately interjects. "100% not. I'd rather die."

"I don't think we have a choice, Seungcheol. We've already waited too long."

_"I've waited for you for so long," he breathes out, the admission coming out cold, goosebumps on his arms._

_And it's not from the cold temperature of the studio, not enough time to have gotten warm since he arrived._

_It's him._

_"You did?" He asks, and takes the sides of Jisoo's neck in his rough hands, his grip firm when he pushes and presses him against the wall, caging Jisoo in._

_When their lips touch, Jisoo tastes _hunger,_ the intensity of his kiss burning him, his skin suddenly hot everywhere they're touching. The temperature of the apartment is forgotten, and Jisoo doesn't even register the cold wall at his back when his shirt is off and insistent hands grab his waist._

_Impatient. He's always impatient but Jisoo is too, cannot control himself at the feeling of lips on his neck, a tongue dragging over his collarbone and down, down._

_"Ah... Cheol, please," he whines almost helplessly, and his skin vibrates under Seungcheol's chuckles._

_"Slow, love, alright?"_

_But they don't know how to do slow. Especially now, especially after not having seen each other in so long, after _everything,_ they don't even make it to the bed. Seungcheol doesn't know slow, Jisoo's legs around his waist and his nails leaving red, angry welts down his back as Seungcheol fucks up into him, his mouth pressing desperate kisses on his cheek, on his jaw, on his neck. Jisoo can't stop his whines, can't help but cry out, Seungcheol ruining him, body and soul._

_"You know I missed you, right? You know how much I did, right?" Seungcheol rasps in his ear, almost incoherent, saying whatever._

_"Yeah, yeah, I did," Jisoo breathes out as Seungcheol slows down to grinds inside him. _"I did, I did,"_ he repeats, mumbles as he finds Seungcheol's lips, catches them in a heated kiss, the feeling of him so deep inside making him burn. There's no one who could ever make him feel like that, like he's falling apart and put back together at the same time._

_When he comes, his thighs tremble in Seungcheol's tight grip, knowing that he's going to be left with marks from this, _reveling_ in the knowledge. He feels Seungcheol come inside him, buried deep in him, marking him up and whining in his skin, and just that, that realization that he can't hold back, it sends a wave of feelings through him. Seungcheol _cares about him._ He _wants him.

_Perhaps he shouldn't ask. But when they're together in the bed, huddled under a comforter that is not warm enough, Jisoo bites his lip into his mouth._

_"Do you have an answer for me?"_

_Seungcheol sighs, the cigarette in his hands burning red in the moonlit darkness. He takes a drag and puffs the smoke out._

_"Love..."_

_"Okay. Okay, you don't have to say it. I get it."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"No, don't apologize. I get it. You can't stay here. You have to go back."_

_"You know I wish I could stay, right?"_

_"You do?" Jisoo asks, his voice surprised. He's always been unsure of what Seungcheol wants._

_Seungcheol turns to look at him, a smile on his face. "You have no idea how much I wish I could. That I could just... drop it all and give up and come live with you here. I've thought about it, you know."_

_"You have?" His eyes widen, Seungcheol's warm tone taking him aback._

_"I have. We could move into a tiny apartment, you could teach music and I could work at a grocery store or something useless and we'd get married and live a peaceful, quiet life. I'd love that, I'd love it so much."_

_"So... why don't you?" Jisoo asks quietly, the sprouts of hope in his heart growing too quickly, too brazenly._

_"...I can't, Jisoo-ya. I can't," he stubs his cigarette. "I'm too weak to give it all up. But..." he starts. "Maybe you can come back with me."_

_"What?" The shock comes out in the volume of his voice, too loud for the quiet room._

_"I want you... to come back with me. Not... I can't... date you. But I am selfish. I am so selfish, and I want to have you next to me. So... Would it be selfish of me? To introduce you to someone?" Seungcheol asks, his hand now on his own waist tracing circles on the bare skin._

_Jisoo's heart drops, and his tone goes back to normal. Normal, like usual._

_"It's not. You saved my life, but even if you hadn't, I trust you with it anyway. If you think it's the right decision..."_

_"He'll treat you better than I ever could. I promise. I trust him more than myself."_

_"Okay then," he agrees._

_He'd follow Seungcheol anywhere, he'd follow him to the ends of the earth anyway. He's ready to do anything if it means not losing sight of him._

_"Alright, love," Seungcheol smiles, puts a hand on his cheek and places a sweet kiss on his lips, sweeter than he should._

_But Jisoo loves him. So he allows him that, welcomes it more like, with a hand on his arm encouraging him to move lower, take him._

_If it's the last time Jisoo gets to have him like this, he wants to at least give him everything he has._

Seungcheol metaphorically locks himself in the library room for the whole day, going through the documents. They give him his space to finally realize he doesn't have a different choice, so they all eat separately.

Seventeen decide they need to have a meeting, so that leaves Jisoo, Jeonghan, and Wonwoo by themselves to have wine and talk.

Wonwoo looks like he has something to say, but Jisoo looks at Jeonghan and they silently approve to give him space.

"I think we need to talk, huh."

"We do," Jisoo quickly interjects, his tone calm but firm.

"I know you two don't agree with Seungcheol's decision, but..."

"We agree," Jeonghan quickly interjects, and Jisoo joins him with a nod.

"You do?"

"We do. We talked, and we decided it is the right decision. We don't hate you, Wonwoo, but we do have our eyes on you."

"I know you do. I don't blame you. But for what's worth, I want you to know I've really made my decisions a long time ago."

Jisoo knows he did. The pull of this life, this family, it's too much to resist, simply put. It's Soonyoung he doesn't trust, too much of a wildcard with an influence too big on Wonwoo to simply ignore.

But for now... they have bigger fish to fry.

Seungcheol comes soon, papers in his hand and his expression frazzled. He must've realized it too.

"I really have no choice, huh?" He drops down next to Wonwoo and drops the papers on the table, massaging his temples.

"You don't."

"So... you said the Smith Group is the bigger company in the US, but your brother... he's the CFO of one of their subsidiaries right. How big are his connections to the CEO?" Wonwoo asks, confused.

"I would assume big. If he had plans, he wouldn't want to take high positions anyway. This seems like the perfect one if he's planning something," Jeonghan explains.

"So... you'd have to make peace with your brother to convince the CEO?"

"Yeah," Seungcheol nods, defeated. They really don't have another choice. "Let's go to the US soon. I'll ask for the plane to be ready the day after tomorrow. Jisoo, Jeonghan, and I can go, and the rest of you should stay and help continue the plans with Junhui to see what we can sabotage."

"Jihoon should come too," Jisoo interjects.

"Why?"

"I thought of something. Instead of selling your actions to him..." he stops, looks at Seungcheol. "Why don't you get married?"

"What?"

"Marry him. And then you can have shared ownership. So you also have a say in the firm later. It might be helpful to have that link."

"That's a good idea," Wonwoo nods.

Seungcheol doesn't look happy, his lip furrowed between his teeth and his gaze downcast. Jeonghan and he need to work on him.

_"Maybe... I'd let you put a ring on my finger one day," Jisoo whispers in Seungcheol's ear with a smirk, the alcohol emboldening him. The music in the club's too loud, so maybe Seungcheol won't hear._

_But the hands on his waist get tighter. It's Seungcheol's favorite place on his body it seems, since his hands seem to attach to his hips all the time._

_"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Seungcheol noses at his jaw, behind his ear, placing a little kiss there that gives Jisoo goosebumps, makes him press his body more on his._

_They met six months ago. It seems like a long time but it feels like nothing at the same time; Seungcheol barely has time to come visit him, so Jisoo forgets the mindless days in between the times he does, and counts his life in the moments he gets to touch him in real life._

_He would never have thought that he could feel this much for another man. He wouldn't even have dreamed of getting to feel something like this, learn so much about the world and feeling like everything gained color from the dreary grays it once had been in._

_Not to be dramatic, but... Jisoo would like it indeed. To be his._

_But until then, he can wait. Can wrap his arms around Seungcheol's neck and lean in for a kiss, uncaring of who sees them here, like this._

_The tug on his hair _hurts,_ but no matter how much he struggles, he can't get away, tugged to the alleyway behind the club, his screams useless. The hallways are clear, and there's no one around when he's dragged outside, the heavy metal door pushed open._

_All of a sudden, his throat's seized in a tight grip and he's pushed up against a wall, his back painfully colliding with the brick._

_"You... you absolute _disgrace."

_The voice. _The voice.

_"You thought you could get away with this? With fucking men in public, ruining my reputation like this?" His father's face becomes blurry and Jisoo feels the air cut from his lungs, his desperate hands trying to pull him off useless. "You whore, you useless piece of trash," his father slams his head against the brick, the pain _unbearable,_ feeling like it's splitting him apart, spit landing on Jisoo's face from his father's angry words feeling like it _burns.

_He tries to push him off, but he only gets a punch to the stomach in return, doubling over from the pain. But the hand on his neck doesn't let him get anywhere, making him violently choke instead, his vision getting darker and darker the more he struggles._

_"I should have killed you and your mother when I had the chance. It would have only done me good, gotten the world rid of more scum. I should've just picked up the gun and shot..."_

_A loud noise deafens Jisoo. The pressure on his neck releases and he topples to the ground on his knees, sharply struggling to take air in._

Blood._ There's blood everywhere, his hands stained red, his shirt, and he can't take air in, can't _breathe, can't...

_"Hey. Hey, it's okay," Seungcheol's voice rings out in his ear, his deep breaths and the hands on his shoulder helping Jisoo take in air again, filling his lungs until he doesn't feel like he'll pass out._

_But then he looks down, and his father's unmoving body on the ground, the pool of blood under him, freezes him._

_He's... he chokes out a sob, the shock paralyzing._

_"It's okay. He can't hurt you anymore, okay? You're safe. You're alright."_

_'California Representative Hong Young-ok's private jet has crashed this morning in the Pacific Ocean, approximately 100 km north of Hawaii. All staffers and passengers on board, including Mr. Hong, have been declared dead._

_Representative Hong, previous owner of Hong Industries, was the favorite Republican Party candidate for the 2020 Presidential Elections this fall...'_

The plane leaving a white line on the pristine blue sky only adds to the beauty of the morning. There's a kind of peace before the chaos that is unparalleled; the way your body gets ready, fills itself up with strength, with an awareness of the world around you, that is really beautiful.

Jisoo's always liked this peace. Has always liked being able to be in touch with nature, with the world around him, even if only for a few more hours.

So he's not disturbed even when Jihoon joins him on the porch overlooking the beach, in the same chair Seungcheol was in a few days ago. He hands Jisoo a cup of coffee, his cup in his other hand, and Jisoo accepts it with an earnest thank you.

The coffee is heavy, bitter on his tongue; Jeonghan must've made it.

"Are you ready, Jihoon-ah?" He asks, calm, low, looking at the sea.

"I don't know what I'm getting ready for."

"No one does. We're just going to do it anyway."

Jihoon hums, taking a loud sip of his coffee.

"You and Jeonghan are married, right?"

"We're not," Jisoo responds, shaking his head. "One day we're going to do it. But we're not yet."

"I thought you were. But... you have his name?" He asks, his words coming out jumbled, Jisoo's answer unexpected. It's difficult. 

"I tell people we are. And I changed my name a few years ago."

"Huh," Jihoon responds, but he can probably tell Jisoo doesn't want to explain this further.

"Are you nervous? About marrying Seungcheol?" he turns to Jihoon, who's keeping the lip of the cup on his lips, his knees tucked to his chest.

"Maybe. I don't know, I mean. I want it to happen, but it's not ideal, and I wouldn't have wanted it to happen like this."

"I see," Jisoo interjects, and lets Jihoon continue.

"Is Jeonghan the love of your life?"

The question takes Jisoo almost by surprise, if he didn't already know Jihoon is trying to make their stories similar.

"Now he is," he smiles.

"So you know. I want to marry Seungcheol and I know he's the love of my life, but... You probably know how it feels if you're not married yet."

"I do," Jisoo looks at Jihoon, his smile understanding. "I really do."

_"Mr. Choi, this is my son, Jisoo." Jisoo extends his hand with a small smile and bows slightly to the man in front of him, mixing their two cultures. The way his father described him he thought of an arrogant, distasteful old man. The man in front of him can't be much older than him, but his handshake is firm and his gaze is set._

_Interesting._

_"He can show you around, this is the newest establishment we've built. I have to introduce myself and welcome some other guests so I can count on seeing you later tonight, when we can chat a little more."_

_"Of course," Mr. Choi bows to his father and turns to Jisoo. Jisoo widens his smile and takes him away._

_"So Mr. Choi. It is nice to meet you. I hope you like the club," Jisoo pulls his courteous but at the same time mysterious tone, the one that gets everyone to like him but also wonder who he is._

_"I do."_

_He takes him on a tour but the man says barely a few words, kind of standoffish, so at the end, Jisoo takes him to a quieter bar area to get him a drink. He's getting frustrated with how nothing seems to be working._

_"If there's something to your displeasure, please let me know..."_

_"With all due respect, I don't know what rumors your father heard about me or who he thinks I am, but I don't fall for the innocent, sweet act, Jisoo-ssi."_

_Jisoo smiles. Alright. He sees how this is now._

_"Well, first, I don't care what my father thinks of you, _Seungcheol-ssi._ And I can assure you I'm not innocent or sweet at all," Jisoo smiles, reveling in the slight widening of the man's eyes. He slides him the glass of whiskey, and takes his own in his hand. "Maybe I'll have the chance to prove it to you later tonight. Enjoy the night," he winks and turns around, ready to walk away knowing the effect he has, before he registers the grip on his wrist._

_"I'm not a patient man, Jisoo-ssi. How about you prove it to me now?" Jisoo turns around the meets the man's smirk with one of his own._

Well, I hope you're worth my time, Seungcheol-ssi,_ Jisoo thinks as he leads the man to the private rooms in the back of the club._


	4. the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back. It's taken hundreds of thousands of words, but here it is. Finally...
> 
> I hope you can bear through the massive scheming and strategy and enjoy this anyway! <3

_"Is Junhui there too?" _

_"On the island? Yes, he is."_

_"Go ahead anyway. We'll deal with Wen."_

The roaring of the airplane is an unnatural sound, a disturbance to the peace of the island. It's almost ready. They're really going. They're going, and in the next three days, Jihoon is going to be married to Seungcheol and maybe the owner of a whole company.

A hand on his waist distracts him from his thoughts, and Jihoon leans into it. This is not the time for questioning. This is the time to be strong.

"Can I take you away for a second?" Seungcheol whispers next to his ear, almost unintelligible from the noise around.

Jihoon nods and lets Seungcheol pull him to the bungalow, Seungcheol helping him up on the counter. It feels like it's them. Jihoon always used to do this and maybe this much hasn't changed.

"I know that we need to do this for... the family. But... you know I really want to marry you. And be with you. You know that, right?"

"I do," Jihoon nods, running his hands up and down Seungcheol's hands. "I'm sorry if I have been terrible at showing that I do too lately."

"You haven't," Seungcheol shakes his head, squeezes his thighs. "It's all because of me. I was terrible in the midst of everything and I forgot to take care of you like I should have."

"You don't need to take care of me. We can take care of each other, okay?"

Seungcheol nods, twists his lips down. "Okay. But..." He reaches in his pocket, and Jihoon's heart clenches. "I wanted you to have this anyway. And maybe one day when this is over we'll have a proper ceremony, okay?"

There's [a ring.](https://www.rockfordcollection.com/collections/mens-wedding-bands/products/franklin-gold-mens-wedding-band-with-0-40-ct-diamonds-1) Seungcheol's pulling out a ring, and despite how he knew this would happen, how they're getting _married_ in a few days for god's sake, it still takes him by surprise.

"Why are there so many diamonds?"

"Will you just shut up, please?" Seungcheol chuckles at him. Fine. Jihoon will not say anything, will resist the urge to use snark and diffuse how much the moment means to him, his heart running miles in his chest as Seungcheol slips the ring on his finger.

It fits perfectly. Jihoon is _engaged._ Jihoon is getting _married._

"Fuck."

"Like it?"

"I do."

"I'm glad," Seungcheol nuzzles into his neck and Jihoon wraps his arms around his neck, brings him up to kiss him.

It feels like it's been so long ago since he's felt like this and yet it doesn't, like this is always where Jihoon belongs.

There are no more questions. Jihoon is ready, he's ready to get themselves where they belong.

"What's our game plan?" Jihoon says in the private jet more to Jeonghan and Jisoo in the opposite seat, Seungcheol on the phone next to him.

"We're landing in the afternoon there. We have a house in New York and we've confirmed it's safe, so we're doing alright. Tomorrow morning we're going to the courthouse, and then in the afternoon there's the meeting with the CEO of the company. The thing is... your marriage won't be valid in Korea. But that's fine because there is no legislation regarding our case, nothing that has to do with shares ownership in this. The marriage is more of a precautionary measure for Seungcheol to be tied to you if you get the 51% and you can make decisions together. It can create a legal mess like nothing else if they sue us, and it will give us time," Jisoo explains, the words almost in a foreign language to Jihoon. "When we get back up there, one of the things we'll do is we'll sue together for foreign marriages to be recognized and we'll probably win."

"Okay. Whew, okay," Jihoon says, understandably confused. "So it's technically... so far I got from before that if we get married in the US he can also hold the shares that the people in the US sell to me?"

"Kind of. It depends. Technically no because the firm is Korean, but we'll do the contract in the US, so again, a legal mess. Don't worry about it," Jeonghan reaffirms and Jihoon nods. "We just need to focus on getting those shares and that's it. Seungcheol and I are going tomorrow afternoon."

"What about his brother?"

"We think it's better if we do that after. If we just manage to get the shares from the CEO of the big firm, we won't even bother. We'll get rid of him later."

"Sounds like a plan."

"It is. Jihoon-ah... don't worry. We'll do this."

Jihoon looks at Jeonghan, nods. Just like they did it before.

"I know we will."

"It doesn't feel real."

"It doesn't?" Seungcheol asks, taking off his shirt and pants to get into bed. It's too comfortable. This house is too clean, too expensive in the middle of New York, too quiet. Jihoon had been here a couple of times, and only to tour with his members. Nothing else. Nothing like this.

"We're getting married tomorrow. It doesn't really... matter since it doesn't apply in Korea, but still..."

"Do you still want to?" Seungcheol's question is plain but comes with a tad of insecurity, Jihoon can feel it, his hands too eager to fold on Jihoon's body.

"I asked you. Of course I want to."

"Good."

The ring on his finger shines from the light of the lamp in the room, the diamonds flashy and seemingly too big for him. Too much.

"I'm tired."

"We flew a lot, and it's a big day tomorrow. Of course you should be," Seungcheol cuddles into him, Jihoon's hands on his chest.

"Are _you_ okay?"

"I'm scared senseless," the admission comes in a broken whisper, and Jihoon can see it in his eyes if he looks.

"It will work out."

"I hope so... I damn hope so. We'll make it so, right?"

"We will," Jihoon assures him, hugs into him, steals from the warmth of Seungcheol's body and strokes his hand through his hair. Maybe nothing else matters.

All the questions, all the issues, they can be brought up after. As long as they have themselves and a goal ahead of them, Jihoon can fight.

Perhaps Jihoon would feel better if he was nervous. If he wasn't so calm, as if this is just any day in his life. Over time, in the midst of concerts and comebacks and performances, his body has learned to shut itself down whenever something significant happens.

He loves Seungcheol, he does, but as he signs his name on the dotted line on the paper that certifies he's somehow connected to him... he wishes he felt more.

The thing is that it's not real. It's a piece of paper that doesn't mean anything, not to their home and not to others and since they did it to gain leverage... Jihoon is convincing himself it's not real. So that later, when he gets the real deal, he won't be as underwhelmed as he is now.

"You're not feeling it either?" Seungcheol asks him as they exit the building through the back, hand in hand with Jeonghan and Jisoo walking in front of them.

"Is it bad?"

"I think you're right. It doesn't matter much, does it?"

"I mean... I love you the exact same."

"I do too, don't worry," Seungcheol tells him, but Jihoon can tell that unlike him, Seungcheol is brimming with anxiety.

Understandable. The most important part of his day isn't getting married to Jihoon.

The most important part of his day is getting Jihoon his shares.

"So who is he?"

"The CEO? Bower?" Seungcheol hums to Jihoon, arranging his tie. He doesn't like the black one. He looks like he's going to a funeral.

"Yeah."

"BC Group is one of the biggest, if not the biggest investment bank in the US. He's the CEO, very powerful man. Controls a lot of how money runs in the US. They own so much of our firm, essentially as much as Jeonghan's family does, because they funded us in the beginning. They were our allies in the US, you remember me telling you that the branch of our family was allied with Syngman Rhee, right? He was in that group. Really old money."

"I see... But then isn't he... on your father's side?"

"Could be," Seungcheol gives up, lets Jihoon tie his navy tie. "But we can try. I can try to persuade him, I've always been closer to the US and these connections than him. He knows me."

A soft knock rings on the door while Seungcheol changes into his suit, rushing to get out in time. They're counting an extra hour to get to the office for traffic, so...

Jisoo peeks his head in, and Seungcheol can tell there's something wrong. He looks distressed.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

Seungcheol nods, doesn't even let Jihoon think twice and follows Jisoo out of the door and in an adjacent room, closing the door behind him.

"We need to leave in two minutes. Quick."

"Bower gave half a million dollars to my father's campaign."

"What?" Seungcheol freezes.

"I asked my mom to look into it when we decided to come here. She found around half a million dollars given to him from the start of his election to his death, mostly from the firm and people around him. Stayed as low-key as possible, it was hard for her to find it."

"So he was connected? To your father?" The shock in his own voice reflects the chills down his neck.

"Probably," Jisoo responds, the distress in his own voice obvious. "Maybe, but I didn't see him at events, I don't remember. So I don't think it was public."

"So... what do you think is..."

Another knock at the door interrupts Seungcheol, and Jeonghan's voice filters through the door.

_"We need to leave. Now."_

Jisoo grabs his wrist, whispers to his face. "Seungcheol... if this is true..."

"We're doomed."

_"Cheol? Jisoo?"_

"Just go," Jisoo lets go of him. "Figure out a way."

Seungcheol takes a breath. "I'm coming," he shouts to Jeonghan, and turns back to Jisoo. "Tell Jihoon. Tell him everything. I'll tell Jeonghan."

He barely has the mind to kiss Jihoon goodbye, hoping... Hoping he'll still be here when he comes back.

And as he gets into the car with Jeonghan, he wonders if there maybe is something which could break the unbreakable.

"I have to tell you something."

"Can it wait?" Jeonghan's answer comes quick and curt, his eyes looking at Seungcheol's betraying his nervousness.

What is he gonna do? What is he gonna do if Jeonghan can't forgive him? He's going to lose it all.

The knowledge makes him numb, so terrified that even if he wanted to, he doesn't think he could force the words out from his mouth.

"Yes... it can."

"We'll be there in 20 minutes," the driver lets them know. Seungcheol thanks him with a choked tone he can barely manage, and between them, he feels Jeonghan's hand on his, their fingers tangling tightly between them.

Seungcheol almost breaks out into tears, musters all the effort to hold it back, desperately clenching Jeonghan's hand. He doesn't know what he'll do. What will he do? How will he live without Jeonghan?

It's nervewracking, entering the room with the CEO standing at the head of it. Seungcheol's English is great, but he's never been comfortable enough with it. Now, with thousands of thoughts through his head, feeling like the weeks he spent in the hospital drained him of all of his previous skills, it's different.

Jeonghan pokes him lightly in the back three times, their sign for taking a hard approach. He's right. Hesitation won't get them anything today.

"Mr. Bower. It is good to see you," Jeonghan greets, shaking his hand first, and Seungcheol paints a small smirk on his face when he does too.

Maybe this isn't so bad after all. The attitude slips on to Seungcheol like a well-fitting suit, natural after so many years of practice.

"It is good to see you as well. Especially after everything. It was very unnerving to see you unwell, Seungcheol."

He's always been like this, dismissive of them. Seungcheol can't really do much; the man is more than 30 years older than them and he owns 7% of his company. Seungcheol smiles.

"It was nothing more than a mistake. I don't let anything put me down for too long."

"Indeed, that seems to be very true," Bower laughs, and Seungcheol relaxes in the armchair. Laidback but powerful. Jeonghan looks at him from the corner of his eye.

Bower's always liked Jeonghan more than he liked Seungcheol. He never even tried to hide his obsession with pretty boys.

"Look. We'll jump straight to the point. We're here to buy your shares in our firm. We'll grow them, and sell them back to you at the same price. How does that sound?"

"I always liked seeing you talk business, Jeonghan. I always liked seeing that in you and Seungcheol. You two know what you want and know how to get it," he smirks, and Seungcheol's stomach turns in a way that tells him he'll need to do a better job of holding back.

But then his smile disappears. Slowly, dimming until his expression is relaxed. Seungcheol unwillingly straightens in his chair.

"Let me tell you a little story before we do that though. My previous business partner went missing around... 6 years ago." he starts, Seungcheol's blood running cold.

Jisoo was right. He was right, this...

"Seungcheol, I think you'd remember him. You came to a gathering we hosted together, so I know you met him. I don't know if you saw me then, I was there but I don't think we met then." Seungcheol swallows, his grip on the chair his lifeline. "But you met someone else, do you remember? Because I do. I very clearly remember you meeting his son."

_He knows._

"And you know what else I remember? You not being able to take your eyes away from him. I'm fairly sure you went home together at the end of that night.

So imagine my surprise when a few months later, a few weeks after my business partner's disappearance, he turns up in Korea. As Jeonghan's partner. And you think I don't know that you had something to do with it?"

Seungcheol's breath comes out shaky. There's... there's nothing he can say that can twist this at this point. He should've heeded what Jisoo said more.

"I have nothing on you. But when I do..."

"I think you're making quite a big assumption here," Jeonghan jumps in. His tone's level but quite aggressive.

"Jeonghan, it seems to me like you didn't know either."

"I've known Jisoo since long before Seungcheol has. Since the years we had spent together in support groups for dealing with what our fathers had done to us. And even so, I was there by his side when he disappeared, saw him talk to the FBI, saw him hire hoards of private investigators to find what happened despite how he felt about his father. Many people before you have thought the same thing, and all of them have been proven wrong."

Seungcheol's barely holding his gasp in. Jeonghan...

Not the time. Jeonghan's _saving them._

"I knew Jisoo before that night," he lies through his teeth. "It was just better for us to pretend that was not the case."

Bower smiles, leaning back in his chair. "Don't feel threatened. I'm not going to expose you. That's not my job in all of this."

Seungcheol narrows his eyes. In all of this? What is he saying?

"Needless to say, I hope you can understand I won't be able to sell to you. But I hope that you can keep fighting on, Seungcheol."

For the first time, that unique feeling of helplessness mixed with anger runs through his veins. Like he's being played and humiliated, and he doesn't know what's happening.

Bower stands up, and so does Seungcheol, takes two steps towards him.

"Is it my brother or my father? Whose side are you on then?"

"Seungcheol..." Jeonghan warns him, anger poorly disguised in his voice. Seungcheol's going to do something stupid, but he and Jeonghan are fucked anyway. Might as well.

"What did they offer you? What's your gain?"

"That I cannot tell you, Seungcheol. I hope you're content with knowing you will never know."

The motherfucker.

"We're leaving," Jeonghan grabs his wrist and Seungcheol doesn't want to make a scene, so he follows, but not before sending Bower a look he'll remember. They'll see later.

_In all of this. Not my role in all of this._ The phrase keeps running through Seungcheol's head as they take the elevator down, and Seungcheol can't calm down the anger under his skin.

Before the car door is closed, the driver starts the car and Jeonghan puts the partition up, turns to him.

"How long?"

It drops. There's heartbreak in Jeonghan's eyes, and the anger dissipates into thin air.

There's no going back.

"Nine months."

"Nine months?" Jeonghan's mouth drops. "I thought... I knew there was something when you introduced him to me, but I thought that it was one night or something. But _nine months?_ So that's why all the trips to the US back then?"

Seungcheol swallows, his eyes closing.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? For lying to me for _years?"_ The anger is a given. The betrayal, the hurt in Jeonghan, Seungcheol can't take.

"I..."

"_Why?_ Why did you let him go? Why did you introduce him to me?"

Seungcheol smiles, but it's humorless. "Is it fair to say he reminded me of you? From the first time I saw him."

Jeonghan's mouth drops. He clearly didn't expect this answer.

"I wish you had told me. I wish I had found out from you."

"Would it have changed anything?"

"It would have changed this conversation," Jeonghan explains, his expression blank. "And the betrayal I'm feeling right now."

Seungcheol breathes in, turning his eyes down once again. He didn't mean to hurt Jeonghan, but...

"I... I knew you'd be angry at me, and I wouldn't have minded that. I deserved it and I knew you'd forgive me. But..." He looks up at Jeonghan again, sees the tears welling up in his eyes and feels the knot in his chest too. "If it meant you wouldn't have wanted him anymore... I couldn't have taken that. I needed you to want him."

"You loved him," Jeonghan's face twists and his teeth grit, trying to keep the tears from falling. Seungcheol hates himself.

"I _shot his father,_ Jeonghan," he says in a pointed whisper. "Of course I loved him, I was just stupid and an asshole and... I didn't know how to risk it all for him."

Jeonghan nods. He nods, biting his lips into his mouth. They're getting closer to their house, and Seungcheol feels the anxiety building up in his chest.

"What about now?"

"You know you're always first for me. And... I love Jihoon. I love him with all of my heart."

The car stops in front of the house, and Jeonghan gets out without saying another word.

Seungcheol lets out a pained breath and exits the car too, following Jeonghan inside. His eyes land on Jihoon right away, Jihoon's expression confused, twisted.

"Jihoon-ah. Can you and I chat?"

Even in the crowded bar, Jihoon can hear Jeonghan's sigh loud and clear. They're on their first drink but he feels as exhausted as if he'd had ten. Maybe he's imagining the sound, taking in Jeonghan's sullen expression and his frown.

"I'm selfish, am I not? For feeling betrayed."

"I don't think you're selfish at all. Who wouldn't be?"

"Are you feeling betrayed?" Jeonghan asks, his eyes pointed.

Jihoon doesn't have an answer. "I guess... It was so long before me that I don't have the right to say anything, I think. For you... I get how it's different."

"Maybe," Jeonghan snorts.

"What are you thinking?"

"Many things. Why did Seungcheol not tell me he was in love with someone? Why did he not tell me _he killed someone?_ And I guess... most of all, does Jisoo love me? Did he pretend to love me for all this time because that was his only chance to be close to Seungcheol? If yes, for _how long?_ Does he still do it?"

A shiver passes through Jihoon. He can't imagine how it feels to be thinking this. He takes a sip of his drink, sighing.

"I... I'll be honest with you, and you know I'm not saying it just to say it. But Jisoo... isn't the type of person to do that. I don't think he'd lie to you. What if he just... what if he actually came here because of Seungcheol and then fell for you? What if he matches you better in reality anyway? You three are connected anyway no matter what, and Jisoo loves you, any blind man can see that. Does it matter what came before?"

Jeonghan swirls his wine around in his glass.

"I guess it doesn't. It's just... I'd have preferred to know."

"Did Seungcheol say why he didn't tell you?"

"Yeah. Kind of. He just... He was stupid back then. Trust me, I know." A second. "Or don't trust me, I guess, since I seem to know nothing."

Jihoon sighs.

"You know it's not true. I think they just thought it didn't matter anymore. I don't think they meant anything."

"I know, I know. I'm just... this is the only time I have to lament before I have to get myself together and we can fix this mess, so... I'm sorry you're here to hear me."

"Don't be sorry," Jihoon shakes his head, and gains even more respect for Jeonghan. "It's messed up."

"It is. But I love them both anyway, and unless they're hiding anything else... we'll deal with it after. I'll be alright."

"Sounds good," Jihoon nods, downs the rest of his beer.

"You too, Jihoon-ah," Jeonghan says, looks at him, and for some reason, a chill goes through Jihoon. "I guess you're really in this now too."

Jihoon fiddles with the ring on his finger, huffs. "I guess I am too."

It's not easy to face Seungcheol though. Jihoon has so many questions, wants to ask why Seungcheol lied to him back then, why he was afraid to tell Jihoon...

But walking into the house and seeing him, how quickly he jumps to his feet, opens his mouth to talk with a sense of urgency that's so out of place in the dreary atmosphere but then closes his mouth, he can't. The thoughts disappear.

This time, when the four of them sit down together, it's different. They're all separated, all at different corners of the U-shaped couch.

"Sorry. For what's worth, we're sorry," Seungcheol chokes out, and Jisoo nods.

"Didn't mean to lie. It's just... it never seemed like the right time to say it. Was always afraid you'd hate..."

"I don't hate you. We don't," Jeonghan nods, his tone low but kind. For how strong-willed Jeonghan is, he has a big heart. "I wish you had told me, either of you, but I get it. I get it, and I guess we'll talk more about this when we're all back where we should be, yes?"

Both Jisoo and Seungcheol nod, almost taken by surprise, like they didn't expect Jeonghan to understand. Jihoon's surprised too.

"We've always needed each other, but now we need to be in sync more than ever, right? So just... if there's anything else, let's say it now. And move on."

There's silence. Nobody says anything.

"Okay then. Case closed, I don't think we need to say anything else and nothing's changed. Let's move on," Jeonghan declares, and the relief can be seen in everyone's eyes.

There are four of them. The four of them, all connected, all intertwined, and in the weirdest way, all one. The feeling is familiar to Jihoon, the sense of self-made family, and now more than ever, he feels like he's once again found his place, and no words are needed.

"In that case..." Seungcheol says, pulls his phone out. "I got... an interesting message a few minutes ago."

"From who?" Jeonghan immediately goes into battle mode, and Jihoon's eyebrows perk.

"My brother."

"What does it say?" Jihoon quickly asks, crowding next to Seungcheol along with Jeonghan and Jisoo to see.

_'Must be confused, right? Meet me. I'll tell you everything.'_

"Why?" Jihoon quickly asks, confused himself.

"We checked earlier. Seungcheol's brother doesn't work at the firm anymore," Jisoo explains.

"Seriously?"

"Yes. He was let go of a few months ago under accusations of sexual assault by a few male employees. The case was settled but he isn't working there anymore."

"So we should go meet him, right?"

"We have to."

_'Cafe at 45 W 4th St. Meet me in half an hour.'_

Seungcheol stares at the message, fiddling with his phone. After so many years, he's meeting his brother.

The person who he hates and who hates him most.

The street number approaches and Seungcheol can't stop staring at the phone. Maybe it will tell him something that will prepare him for this.

The phone suddenly vibrates, and Junhui's name flashes on the screen.

He ignores it. Whatever it is, Junhui can probably wait until Seungcheol figures all of this out.

But then it vibrates again, and a feeling in Seungcheol's chest tells him it isn't wise to ignore it now.

"Yes?" He answers, fielding the questioning looks from the three in front of him. 

_"Seungcheol? Where are you?"_

"In New York. I'm meeting with my brother. Why? What's wrong?"

_"The island... was attacked."_

Seungcheol immediately puts the phone on speaker, the knot in his chest dropping to his feet.

"What happened?"

_"We were going to leave tomorrow, two days after you left... But Vernon was talking to a village helper and she hesitantly told him that something is going to happen. And..."_

"Is everyone okay?" Jihoon frantically asks, catching on. Seungcheol furrows his lip into his mouth, dread filling his lungs.

The car stops and the doors open.

_"Yes. We left a few hours earlier, but... when we were on the main island, we could see it. Helicopters... attack helicopters. They obliterated it."_

Jihoon's hand flies to his mouth as they scramble out of the car.

_"We left quickly, we're landing at my house in a couple of hours. We're not going anywhere else for now, I'll keep them safe. We're fine."_

The throngs of people on the sidewalk pass by them, and the bright lights of the cafe standing against the dark sky are almost mocking him.

Seungcheol looks up, and up there, on the third floor, his brother is staring down at him.

_"You all... be careful. Come back if you need to."_

Seungcheol locks eyes with him, and it's like time stops.

_"Don't get killed."_

Time comes rushing back, and Seungcheol bursts into the cafe, immediately finding the stairs and running up them two at a time, the walls of the cafe flying around him. He hears everybody else behind him, and when he gets up, it's him.

He stops in the door.

"Welcome, _little brother."_

When nails dig in his arm, he knows it's Jeonghan.

"Sit down," he points to the chairs around his table, four of them. "We have a lot to talk about, don't we?"

Seungcheol grits his teeth but walks to the table, pulling back the chair opposite of his brother and sitting down, locking eyes with him.

"Who are they?" He asks, not even looking at the two people behind him.

"My security guards. I need them."

Seungcheol analyzes him, takes him in. It's not a trap. He doesn't look smug, doesn't look shifty at all; he looks almost as angry as them, almost cautious. Seungcheol relaxes his fight instincts, gets ready to listen.

"Talk," Jeonghan snaps, and his brother sighs.

"So no nice to see yous, I missed yous, anything like that?"

"Our nice to see you is that you're still here," Jeonghan replies in the same tone, and his brother's face turns serious.

"Fine. Let's not play then. Let's get straight to the point. We're on the same side here."

"How are we on the same side?" Seungcheol asks, curt. 

His brother smirks.

"What if I told you our dad wants us both dead? Does that put us on the same side?"

So it is true. Seungcheol was almost sure, but now... now it all _makes sense._

"Where should I start? You know it was him, right? You know it was him who helped the Gyeongsang-do head and was working with the Jeolla-do family too, right?"

"Yes," Seungcheol answers.

"Why do you think he wants you gone? Dead? Do you think it's because of him?" He points his chin to Jihoon, and Seungcheol narrows his eyes.

"I guess you don't know why then. Let me explain the whole thing," he settles back in his chair. "Around 30 years ago, dad made a deal. It was a secret deal with a lot of high-ranking officials and businessmen from the United States and Japan... to reunite Korea. It was not going to happen for a few decades, but they started the plan because it would take a long time to happen."

Reunite Korea? That's _insane._

Except nowadays, nothing really seems insane anymore.

"When I left, when you kicked me out... did you think it was a coincidence? It was not your plan. It was his. His and mine."

Seungcheol raises his eyebrows, his brother's words utterly confusing. He looks like he's telling the truth though, his voice unwavering.

"I was supposed to come here, start working with Bower, and eventually get a job at his firm while you thought that you ran the family. One thing we needed to do was make sure... that someone would become President of the United States that would push that agenda." His eyes snap to Jisoo, and Seungcheol feels his teeth grit.

"That was the first obstacle that you put on our path, and you weren't even head. You didn't even know. We didn't know you'd fall for him and do something like that.

That's when dad realized things would have to be pushed back until we found someone else. So we had to wait for five, almost six years for someone to be President that would not be an obstacle in our path."

"Why did you come though? Why didn't you stay as head of the family and then kill me as it always happens?"

"Because of him," his brother looks at Jeonghan, who doesn't blink. "If you died... he wouldn't have forgotten it, and he could have been a problem. People liked you more than they ever liked me. If we killed both of you, it would have raised questions. Just like it did when mom died."

"You _killed mom?"_ Seungcheol feels the rage rise in him, slamming his hand down on the table. They did _what?_

"She had to die. She didn't agree with any of it even though dad married her because she was Japanese. Did you think it was Mi-eun that did it because she was _jealous?"_

He laughs._ He laughs._ That's when it breaks in Seungcheol, hearing his brother's laugh at_ their own mother's death._

They'll never be on the same side. No matter who their enemy is.

But he holds it back, because he needs it. _Needs_ to know everything.

"She was useless, was only an obstacle. Dad needed someone else, and this bridged his alliance with the Gyeongsang-do family. Plus... we needed someone who could transport things. To North Korea. When you finally took the head role, it could start. The war could start, and in the mess created you would die, Jeonghan would start the war he had to and we'd make sure he'd die in it, and I would come back and take over and continue it, continue it by reuniting them and actually turning to the North. Except...

Except he found _her._ And he didn't need me anymore."

_Their sister._

"All of a sudden, you were shot before the plan, and do you know? Do you know that she did it?" His face turns into a snarl, and Seungcheol almost shivers.

All the years he spent looking for her. All the time, and she was almost the one to _kill him._

"But then you didn't die. You somehow miraculously survived and came back, and I knew... that we could work together."

Chills. There's chills all over Seungcheol, and the shock of everything settles deep in him. _This..._

"What do you want? What do you want now?" Jeonghan asks, and in his voice, Seungcheol can hear the shock that also paralyzes him.

"Now? Now I just want revenge. I lost my job, lost my partner, and I almost lost my life. I don't want anything to do with it," he grits his teeth. "I just want to see them all_ dead."_

"How were they going to do it? How were they going to win that war?" Seungcheol asks, his own tension sparking, the terror settling in.

"Opioid crisis. They were going to use Mi-eun's shipping company to transport drugs from the parts of China the Wen family doesn't control and then ship them into North Korea, fuel them until the country was weakened enough for them to attack. It's been happening for a while."

So that's why Junhui's father doesn't agree with his father anymore. Because he isn't part of the plan, Seungcheol realizes. It all _makes sense._

"But still... wouldn't that be a full war? No matter how weak they were...?" Jisoo asks.

"It is. Dad is willing to risk it. They all are. They knew they'd be able to take down the leader first so no nuclear war would break out, and then part by part, they'd dismantle the army and the people no matter what it took."

There were no nuclear weapons in 1950 either, and yet hundreds of thousands of people died. Nowadays... goosebumps raise on Seungcheol's arms just thinking of the magnitude of the whole thing, the amount of people that would die...

Seungcheol was almost taken down by the few dozens of people that died on his watch, but his father... his father would have _millions_ dead for this?

"How can we stop this? What can we do?" Seungcheol declares, sure that his desperation is showing. This won't happen. This _can't_ happen.

"I'm not really sure. I know though that... The Chuncheon-do and Jeju-do families have never agreed. It's always been an issue for them."

"That's why they helped Jeonghan and I," Jihoon intervenes. "That's what we thought too, that they were helpful to us and clearly laid their alliances."

"But they're nothing in the big scheme of things. Chuncheon-do and Jeju-do are nothing if the other three have decided, and if US and Japan are encouraging of it. Except... Japan isn't much anymore, started backing out because they have internal issues, and China has never been for it. If you can play on these people that are against it, you might be able to stop him. If you get rid of dad and her, and then manage to fully stop the Gyeongsang-do and Jeolla-do families without North Korea finding out too early because they'll attack first and we might actually spark that nuclear war... then we can do it. In the US media is powerful. If we can uncover the plans maybe we won't topple the President, but we can ensure that they don't outright support it. But the timing has to be perfect before I do it."

"That means we have to go back," Seungcheol breathes in. "We should go to China and talk to Junhui's father, get other Chinese leaders together and then go back into Korea."

"If you just fly in, he'll kill you. I'm sure he's tried many times so far."

"He has," Seungcheol answers. "So we have to make it so he doesn't know."

"Leave New York tonight. Otherwise he'll probably find you. I know Bower didn't give you the shares but you don't need those. You don't need anything. Just get rid of them."

His father and his sister. Seungcheol needs to get rid of his father and his sister.

And yet he isn't allowed to feel bad.

He can't feel bad.

And as he scrunches his fist on the table, lets the realization settle in and readies himself for everything, maybe he doesn't.


	5. two thousand years of chasing taking its toll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK! Who would've thought?? Surely not me. 
> 
> Anyway, this is a *short* chapter, I'm sure all of you are thinking I'm an asshole for taking a month to write 4k words, but... life got in the way, and then the perfect ending hit me so I was like... I'm going to put that there and publish this chapter and I'll write a MONSTER of a next chapter to make up for it. 
> 
> Anyway... here we go! I hope you enjoy it <3
> 
> (Also y'all... real-life politics inspired this, I try to take myself seriously sometimes: http://asiapacific.anu.edu.au/news-events/all-stories/chinese-military-bases-vanuatu. Also don't take anything at face value... pls.)

_'China has been accused of bombing a Vanuatu island yesterday in a military exercise that is rumored to pressure the South Pacific country into accepting the creation of a Chinese military base on its territory. Chinese officials have denied the bombing was a Chinese military exercise, however suspicions remain. The private island was owned by a Korean businessman and was uninhabited at the time. No casualties were reported.'_

When he steps out of the airplane and sees everybody waiting for them, Seungcheol almost allows his heart to beat harder in relief. 

And if he hugs Junhui and Wonwoo a little bit more than he usually would, that's his own business. Despite everything, how many twists his relationship with them had, he cares about them a lot. 

He doesn't know what he'd do if he lost anyone. Absolutely anyone.

Junhui's father is as much of an imposing presence as ever when he walks up to Seungcheol and shakes his hand. Seungcheol has always had a lot of respect for the man who built himself an empire in a country such as China and raised his children as everything Seungcheol ever wanted from his father. 

He shakes his hand in return, and almost breaks when Junhui's father pulls him in an embrace, patting him on the back. 

"You did well, son. You did well."

Did he? Did he? Because Seungcheol doesn't feel like he did. He feels paralyzed.

He doesn't know how to answer, so instead he follows everyone to the living room of the Wen estate. This is the house he inspired his from, cozy and homely even if massive, so when he takes a seat on the massive couch, Jihoon at his side, he feels like he can breathe. 

"Is everyone alright?"

"Yes. We're all fine," Junhui nods, taking a glance at everyone around.

"How did you know?" Jeonghan follows Seungcheol's question, the one on everyone's minds.

"The day of, one of the villagers came to Hansol," Junhui points his chin to him, and Hansol nods. 

"Yeah. I was on the patio, and she came to me with another girl. She looked very shy, very reserved, and she started talking to me in English. I was very confused but answered her, and she just told me in a quiet voice we should leave soon. And then she just ran away. With the other girl. And... I realized it could be serious, so we left right away. It was just in time."

Seungcheol almost shivers, the seriousness on their faces sobering. It's not a coincidence. It's not at all.

"She didn't do it out of her own will though," Junhui's father adds, Seungcheol's eyebrows furrowing.

"What do you mean?"

Junhui hands Seungcheol his phone, and Seungcheol quickly scans over the article, reading it out loud. "_China has been accused of bombing a Vanuatu island yesterday in a military exercise that is rumored to pressure the South Pacific country into accepting the creation of a Chinese military base on its territory. Chinese officials have denied the bombing was a Chinese military exercise, however suspicions remain. The private island was owned by a Korean businessman and was uninhabited at the time. No casualties were reported._ What does this mean?"

Jihoon, Jeonghan, and Jisoo look as confused as him. What is happening?

"The attack was intentional. Your father intended it to be a message to the Chinese government to stay out of it, and it worked. Especially now since they have the US on their side and any messages like this can easily blow up.”

“So they didn’t mean to kill them?” Seungcheol asks, somber.

“No,” Junhui shakes his head. “I thought it was weird that she spoke English and she told us even almost without prompting. But when we came back and saw the accusations, it made sense.” 

Junhui's father lays back on his couch. “And yet, something could have gone wrong. The airplane could have not taken off, they could have ignored it… He could’ve killed my son. And that shall not be something I will ever forgive anyway, under any circumstances.” 

His words chill Seungcheol to the bone. He's right. It could have gone wrong. It's gone too far. His father has gone too far, and Seungcheol doesn't think there is any possibility of forgiveness on his part either.

"So are we making a plan?" Junhui asks, tutting. 

"We've thought about it on the way over. I met... with my brother. In the US. He told me about the plan, but I wanted to confirm it with you first," he turns to Junhui's father.

"What did he tell you?" 

"He told me that dad was preparing this from 30 years ago. That together with the US and Japan they started pumping drugs into North Korea so they could start a war. That they allied with the Gyeongsang-do family and the Jeolla-do family to make sure they had the means to do it, and I... Jeonghan and I were just puppets in their game who needed to die."

"It's true." 

Seungcheol's hope dies. The little amount he had buried deep, deep in his heart that his brother had lied to him. 

Obliterated, lost, and the whole world falls on his shoulders. 

"What?" Junhui asks, clearly in shock. "You knew about this?"

"Why do you think I've said I've disagreed with him for a long time?"

"So you don't like this?" Jeonghan asks, his eyes narrowing. He's gone in defensive mode. Seungcheol spares him a glance, and Jeonghan looks back at him for one split second. 

"No. If there's one thing I agree on with the Chinese government, it is this. We don't want Korea reunited, and we don't want to see the damage done for it."

"So then could we count on them for help?"

"If it was before this... I'd have said yes. Now... I'm not so sure." 

"Because of what happened?" Seungcheol asks, a tone of frustration running through his voice. 

"Yes. China is now in the world's eyes. Especially when the United States is involved, they will not do anything to risk unsettling that already precarious balance."

So on top of playing Seungcheol like a puppet and creating a plan gaining them the approval of some of the world's most powerful countries, they also managed to incapacitate the closest, most powerful ally Seungcheol could have had. 

He's furious. _Livid._

"So then we just go forward with what we have thought of."

"What is it?" 

"We go back into Korea through Chuncheon and then we sneak into Seoul so we can get our roles back."

"How?" Mingyu asks with a furrow in his brows, the word almost escaping him. He almost forgot Jihoon's members were here.

And to Seungcheol's surprise, it is Jihoon who answers. 

"We kill them."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that," Seungcheol reinforces, tightening his arm around Jihoon's shoulder. "The Chuncheon-do family will help us. They've always hated my father." 

"They have," Junhui's father confirms with a nod. "They might not put up much of a fight, but you can trust them to help you with a few men. You'll also have us over here." 

Seungcheol nods, pursing his lips. They might have to pull some more covert methods than Seungcheol would prefer, but alas. 

"What were you thinking?"

Jeonghan comes forward, changing his stance, getting ready to explain it, so Seungcheol sits back. 

"We need to lure them both, Seungcheol's father and his sister, into a place where we can have some ground because they'll surely have guards too. Even in a standdown, we can distract them into talking until our people can get there. We'll have a sniper who will shoot his sister, and then someone killing the lights a second after. They won't shoot and risk killing Seungcheol's father, that's always the policy, no open fire when the head is in a room, and we'll have our people come in so when the lights come on, we can incapacitate as many of them as possible and then get Seungcheol's father. It's not foolproof, but short of like... bombing a building, we have nothing."

"It could work," Junhui affirms. "I'll try to see if there's a way I can get you see in the dark glasses or something so you don't have to wait for the lights to shoot."

"That would be helpful, thank you. We'll work on the plan more too in the next day."

"Do that," Junhui's father says with a loud breath and gets up. "And tell us what other support you need."

A lot of it, Seungcheol figures. A lot of it.

It's entirely fitting that when Junhui's father finds him the next evening, Seungcheol is twisting a glass of whiskey in his hand on the expensive balcony, a cigarette in his hand.

"Not easy to go against the person you fear most in the world, is it?" He starts, chuckling as he sits down in the other chair.

"Do you believe that my father is the person I fear most?" Seungcheol turns to Junhui's father, straightening his back as it's customary.

"I don't mean your father," he laughs again, lighting up his own cigarette. "I mean yourself, Seungcheol." 

The statement, so confidently put out, throws Seungcheol off his axis for just a breath. 

"What do you mean?"

"You seem a little bit unsure," the man exhales with a cloud of smoke, and Seungcheol's own cigarette doesn't seem to calm him down anymore. "About going back and stopping this."

"Because I don't know if I'll manage. My whole family is against me," he huffs.

"Your family isn't against you. They're also not for you. Very few of them have alliances; most will go with whoever sits in the chair and try to save their own asses." 

How true. But Seungcheol isn't sitting in that chair anymore.

"Seungcheol, when you were five years old... I don't know if you'd remember, but I do, I recall quite clearly. We were at the dinner table in your house and your brother was at the stage where he started to act up like the leader he was always told he needed to be. I remember very vividly an argument that ensued between your father and him, and how in his rage, your father slammed his knife down on the table, but it was a little too close to you. He didn't notice you picking it up and putting your finger on it until there was already blood. I had noticed first, and I saw your nannies' eyes widen. But more than the thing, Seungcheol, I think it was your expression that surprised us all most. My wife still talks about it sometimes when you come up."

Seungcheol swallows, the story hitting somewhere in his chest. He knows what he's talking about. There's a scar on his left index finger.

"It was curiosity. Your finger was bloody and it must've hurt for a four-year-old child, but it took you seconds before you started crying. I remembered that, Seungcheol, I remembered thinking your curiosity would be the thing to push your family to places it hadn't yet been. And years after, it turns out I was right." 

Right, Seungcheol snorts. What a joke. He's a king without a throne, as bitter as that might be. 

"That was a long time ago. I've grown jaded."

"Hmm. You think so?" Junhui's father laughs. "I don't think you have, Seungcheol. This is why I'm here to talk to you about something," he coughs, the cough of someone who has relied on cigarettes for too long. "Your father's project in North Korea... it took him more than twenty years to get it done. I think you know very well how far along it must be."

"Very far along."

"Exactly. Too far along to reverse."

"What are you saying then?" 

"Why don't you let it happen?"

Seungcheol's jaw almost drops, as inappropriate as it is. He narrows his eyebrows instead. Let _the war happen?_

"You know the leader needs to be taken down first to prevent nuclear war. Why don't you just let it happen, let it start, and then push your father out right when the scales are tipped in South Korea's favor?"

"That still means a lot of people dying. The beginning of war is the most damaging..."

"Let me tell you something, Seungcheol," Junhui's father turns to him, imposing even in the almost darkness. "This war is happening whether you want it or not. If not now, it will later because the situation between the two Koreas has always been precarious. Except now..." Seungcheol blinks. "There's a twenty-year-old foolproof plan that can ensure that the most desirable outcome can be achieved. All you need to do is take over when it's far along enough to get the territory, but also stop it for the people opposed to it to give you their approval."

"So are _you_ saying I should let it happen? I thought you were opposed to the unification."

"I'm not opposed if it is the right person. I'm saying you need to start planning now and swiftly cut what needs to be cut exactly at the time it needs to be cut. The Chinese government might never agree, but I can assure you that you have support in this."

There's no way he'd be able to give an answer now, the magnitude of everything too large for Seungcheol to successfully compute it all at the moment. 

Let it _happen?_

"You're leaving in a day. Tell me the answer before you leave," Junhui's father stubs his already exhausted cigarette and leaves Seungcheol with the heaviest decision he's ever had to make.

The glass feels heavy in his hand, and the cigarette almost burns his fingers. 

And right when he puts them down, his phone lights up.

"We're going back tomorrow."

"Back home, right?" Jihoon asks, his hand fisting in Seungcheol's shirt. He's nervous, but there's also the bone-deep realization that it's all or nothing. 

Tomorrow at four in the morning it will either be the beginning of the end, or the end of their beginning, and there is no way to know which.

Jihoon squeezes tighter. He needs Seungcheol to tell him it will all be fine. 

"Yeah. We're going to take it all back."

Maybe one more time. 

_"Kiss me,"_ he mumbles, sighing when Seungcheol's lips touch his and the hands under his shirt tighten on his waist. 

He needs this. Needs this like he needs the air he's borrowing from Seungcheol, their kiss not breaking even as Jihoon moves, fits himself over Seungcheol and straddles his thighs. 

All the questions fly away when Seungcheol pulls him even closer, digs his hands in his ass to grind him down on his crotch, Jihoon barely holding himself back from desperately bearing down on him. 

Or maybe they don't. They have to be awake in five hours, on the boat in six, and there is hardly a more inappropriate time. 

But for some reason, the knowledge that this might be the last moment of peace they ever have...

Jihoon breaks their kiss and arches his neck, letting Seungcheol know where to kiss him, bearing himself up with his elbows on the bed until he's more in control. As in control as he can be with Seungcheol hugging his smaller frame close to him, a hand on the back of his neck and one on his lower back all strong, possessive.

Maybe Seungcheol needs a grip too. Maybe he's as terrified as Jihoon, if not even more. 

"Wanna fuck me?" He whispers in Seungcheol's ear, recognizing how much they need this. How much they've needed this for a really long time, the chance to just be with each other and reconnect the pieces of themselves that inadvertently broke apart in the mess of their lives. 

"Do you want to?" Seungcheol whispers in return, and maybe it is too much. Too much effort that would only break the moment, the careful balance, the atmosphere Jihoon can barely describe. 

"Maybe later." 

They just need each other. And if this is one thing they have to look forward to after all of this... 

Instead, Jihoon just pulls down his own shorts with a hand that's not holding himself up, and tugs at Seungcheol's pants too, exhaling a shaky breath when their cocks touch. Seungcheol moans in his ear, pulling him back down, the dryness almost uncomfortable. 

Except Jihoon doesn't care. Doesn't care about anything other than feeling Seungcheol under him, the lips pressed to his cheek, his jaw, the heavy breaths in his ear that only get him harder. 

And then the fingers in his mouth, sucking on them while Seungcheol looks into his eyes and Jihoon gets his hand wet, wet enough for Seungcheol to grab both of them and slowly tug. 

It's been _so long._ So long that Jihoon might come embarrassingly fast and not even care, judging by how Seungcheol doesn't seem to be so far away either, their eyes locking and not letting go. 

Being on the edge of death is one thing, but walking right into the promise that this might the decision that ends their lives... It's something else. 

It might be messed up, but just seeing the steel in Seungcheol's eyes, knowing how the shine in them reflects in his own and just how _close_ it is to something that truly matters... Jihoon can't help but let go. Lean in the purely physical pleasure of Seungcheol's hands on him pushing in just the right places, the sensitive spots on Jihoon's body he knows so well until Jihoon can't take anymore, desperately clutching at Seungcheol's wrist moving over them. 

And yet the pleasure moves long past the point where he can't control it anymore, how starved he is a testament of how long it has been. And just when he thinks he can't, can't do anymore, the pressure builds and builds until it releases and he comes all over Seungcheol's stomach, almost shaking in his grip when he keeps going and it's _too much._

Seungcheol always does that. Always pushes for too much, always takes several steps over the line but just enough so you can't muster a complaint, in that state of wondering whether to move away or to lean in, if you can go for more, before you realize the choice has already been made for you.

In this case, Jihoon leans in. Takes over from Seungcheol, gets his own hands on him, teases, pushes and pulls like what he knows will get Seungcheol right there and back, toying the line until he breaks too, adds to the come on his own chest.

His eyes are boring deep into Jihoon's, and what they see in each other is not something they themselves know.

And at that moment, Jihoon gets scared. 

He takes a shaky breath and then one more, trying not to break down right then. Seungcheol's hands tighten on his arms, bringing him down even in the whole mess they are to hug him. 

It's as much of a comfort for Seungcheol as it is for Jihoon, the tight grip of his hands on Jihoon giving him away. 

He wants to bruise him. He wants to mark Jihoon, gain some control over something, and Jihoon lets him, bites at his neck, feeling as his teeth dig into Seungcheol's skin. 

_Pain._ Where everything else is an uncertain cloud of fog, it's pain that makes your thoughts sharp and brings you back to the present.

When Jihoon's peacefully asleep, Seungcheol slips out of bed. 

On the balcony, Jeonghan's waiting for him, fully dressed. He doubts they'll sleep much more tonight. 

"What's up?"

"I have something to tell you." 

"What is it?"

"Let's change our plan." 

Jeonghan's eyebrow raises. 

"First... this stays between you and I. I hope you know that."

"Sure." 

"Why don't we let the war happen?"

Jeonghan gasps. "You're insane." 

"I'm not," Seungcheol shakes his head. "Hear me out. If we stop this from happening, it's still far enough along that North Korea will find out and will realize their drug crisis is not fueled by China as it was thought before. They'll realize it was part of a larger plan, except then it's going to be us back at the helm and dealing with a South Korean government and an army we know nothing about. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

"Then we discuss it. We know how many wars we've avoided in the past years. And the situation was worse. Seungcheol, this is _crazy,"_ Jeonghan insists, grabbing Seungcheol's jacket.

"I don't think it was. This is the worst it's ever going to be. It's the culmination of years of work, Jeonghan," Seungcheol looks at him, hoping his point will come across.

"So what do you suggest then?" 

"Let it start. We're gonna go through with what we've decided except we're not gonna kill my father. We're just going to kill my sister and then sabotage ourselves and leave. And then after they kill the leader, we'll go back and end my father too. And then take over, make peace, and take the territory."

Silence falls over Jeonghan's shocked face, his wide eyes betraying his shock. 

"People will _die."_

"People will die anyway, Jeonghan. I don't think there's helping it..." 

"No," Jeonghan cuts him off. "We _can't._ Think twice, Seungcheol. We've said before so many times that the North-South situation is already so embedded it's not gonna change. Changing it... look at everything. US, Japan, China, they're all involved, it's not gonna be easy."

"Nothing is easy, Jeonghan." 

_"No,_ Seungcheol. We're sticking with the original plan. This needs to be stopped. There's been too much chaos, we need peace and to rebuild." 

Seungcheol furrows his lip in his mouth. Jeonghan's right, but...

"Cheol. What's wrong?" Jeonghan grabs his shoulders. "Look at me. What are you thinking?"

Seungcheol looks into Jeonghan's eyes and what he's thinking is that maybe if this was ten years before, they would've both been able to make different decisions. 

"Nothing. Yeah, you're right. I guess it's reckless."

Jeonghan exhales, Seungcheol can hear it even if his eyes fall to the ground, and his tone evens.

"Listen. I can see why you think it's a good idea. It could be. But not now. We don't have the resources for it, we don't have the leadership for it, and when the family is a mess, we don't have the people for it either. The only thing I'm worried about is the US and Japan reaction, but they're not stupid. They wouldn't push this too far, especially since the US president seems barely tolerant of this whole plan. So... not now. Later. Later, okay?"

"Fine then. Later." 

"Okay," Jeonghan responds, and even if in his tone Seungcheol senses uncertainty, he leaves, sliding the balcony door closed behind them.

Seungcheol almost feels Jisoo approach when they're loading their things on the boat, his footsteps discernible.

It's chilly outside, still dark. There won't be light for a while, enough for them to set away, the almost 14-hour trip already feeling way too long. There's a difference between flying in a private jet and having to sail on a boat in secret so you don't get killed by your own family, Seungcheol figures. 

Jisoo gets to him and Seungcheol gets up, turning to him. There are tear tracks on his cheeks, some that he seems to have missed after rubbing at them, and his eyes are puffy, red. 

"Called your mom?"

"Yeah. She gets it. Doesn't... like it, but."

How could any mother like their son almost signing off their death sentence? 

"I wanted to talk to you though. Before we left, and everyone was around," Jisoo continues, and Seungcheol nods, barely holding back the urge to reach out in comfort. "I... my mom told me that if I decided to go... I should at least make sure that I have no regrets."

Seungcheol swallows, Jisoo's heavy words piercing through him. He didn't want to... He has been trying so hard not to think of anything, just blindly go forward and bulldoze his way through everything. Single-minded, focused. And yet Jisoo is standing like this in front of him, both of them knowing what he'll say, and whatever mask hadn't crumbled before is now broken at his feet.

"So I just wanted to tell you I still love you. I always will. It will never change. And it doesn't matter much, I know it doesn't, whether we live or die, win or lose, and I wouldn't change anything, wouldn't want anything but... I just needed to tell you anyway. I think it's fair."

Seungcheol knows. He always has, always knew that whatever messed them up won't go away. For Jisoo more than for him, who was permanently scarred and turned it into love for the one who _saved_ him. No matter how much it isn't love.

And yet, Seungcheol's also always known that he won't be able to love anyone in the same way. 

"The text... You read it, right?"

He did. Seungcheol did, and the bitter smile on his face must tell Jisoo enough.

"I'm sorry I sent it to you. I'm sorry I told you. You don't deserve it. You deserve to be happy, and I think... he does too. I just..."

"You know I always prefer honesty over whatever fantasy would make me happy," Seungcheol interrupts Jisoo, putting a hand on his arm. He's not sorry. Jisoo isn't sorry.

Jisoo nods, and looks behind Seungcheol, at where Seungcheol assumes Jihoon and Jeonghan are, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Are you going to do something about it?"

Seungcheol turns his eyes too, and fixes them on Jihoon, who senses it, lifts his to look at him. 

"All at the right time."

He breaks his eyes from Jihoon's and turns around to look at Jisoo again, looks him up and down. All the things he's gone through, for Seungcheol and not, means that he knows how to hide his steel, has made it part of himself so deeply that he himself often forgets it's there. 

"When we get to Chuncheon, first night at 3 AM, meet me," Seungcheol smiles. "And I'll tell you everything."

He doesn't forget. Seungcheol never forgets.


End file.
